Resolve This!

(LOL I entered the title and got an error: "Your request could not be processed.")

 

Apologies to my Facebook friends who've already seen some of this content. :)

 

This is the time of year when folks get all excited about having a fresh calendar and ask questions like, "What are your New Year's resolutions?"  I often get a look of either disdain or stupefaction when I reply that I stopped making New Year's resolutions decades ago.

Why?  Well, we all joke about one of the reasons why: like pretty much everyone else, I never kept them.  If I was really good, I'd make it into mid-March or so, but that was exceedingly rare.  Most resolutions made it a week or two; some didn't even last that long.  Regardless of how long I persevered, eventually I'd slip, and that was a let-down which led to a feeling of failure.  

I suppose I could have solved the issue by making resolutions like, "I resolve to eat food sometimes."  But that seems rather pointless, and I think if I was asked what my resolutions were, and if they were things like that, I'd decline to disclose them. :P

 

So these days I take a different tack: I try to work on making myself a better person every day.  By now you're probably all familiar with my belief that instead of setting aside one day a year for certain things--like setting resolutions--we should carry the spirit of our remembrances, honors, and celebrations within us every day.  In that respect, I adhere more to the Ancient Egyptian concept of Zep Tepi (a concept introduced here), in which each sunrise, each moment is Creation renewed and a new beginning. So instead of just one day a year being a designated time to make resolutions, every moment of every day is the perfect moment to make a new resolution, a fresh start, and a new beginning; each second is a moment bursting with potential and promise.

 

It's taken decades, but I've finally gotten smarter about the goals I set for myself.  I've stopped trying to go from unhewn stone to a masterfully-crafted representation of Aphrodite in one cut of the chisel.  I've finally (mostly) learned to set one small, realistic goal at a time on which to really focus.  If I try to divide my energies, discipline, and focus too much, I'll stretch myself too thin and fizzle, or--worse--rebound in the opposite direction.  For example, if I try to focus on exercising more, eating better, and organizing my living space all at the same time (that's too many goals at once, and the goals are far too vague), I'll probably either just give up out of discouragement or exhaustion and go back to my normal routine or end up laying on the couch eating bonbons, watching TV, and tossing the wrappers on the floor.  Ok, I don't eat bonbons or watch any TV that doesn't come on DVD, so that's a highly unlikely scenario...do bonbons even come in wrappers to toss on the floor? >.>  But you get the idea. :) 

 

Goals need to be realistic and specific.  Don't say, "I'm going to eat better."  Instead, say something like, "I'm going eat one more serving of vegetables a day than I've been eating."  And once you've got that down pat, pick a new goal.

As we've discussed before, it's more difficult to cut out negative things than it is to add something positive into your life.  But if you want to stop smoking, for instance, your goal is to cut something out.  Don't focus on just stopping, though; instead of simply cutting out smoking, replace it with something else.  That way, you won't be as tempted to fill the empty hole that was smoking by taking up smoking again.  What you replace it with will depend on what works for you.  You might need a different source of nicotine like "the patch" to help you quit, or you might need something else to replace the oral fixation, or it might be enough to reward yourself with something you love every time you don't smoke.  Part of knowing what will work for you will be understanding why you smoked.  Was it simply a nicotine addiction?  Was it for socialization?  Fill whatever need that smoking filled with something else, and it will be easier--note that I didn't say "easy"--to quit.

 

Put some thought into your goals.  Be realistic.  Be aware of how your mind and body work.  Plan, prepare, and be patient.  I'm not good at patient, but I've finally learned that when I try to push myself too hard and too fast, I'll end up backsliding more, and it'll end up taking far longer to get where I want to go than if I'd just taken it at a reasonable pace from the beginning.

 

I've also finally learned to recognize setbacks as learning opportunities.  Instead of something to beat myself up about, they're chances to figure out where I went wrong and how to do better next time.  They say we learn by making mistakes...I guess I've learned a lot. ;)  But there's always so much more to learn.

Be aware of your self-talk.  You can always find excuses not to.  Whatever goal you set, you have to really want it, and you have to really believe it, sometimes against your own will. :)  Sometimes you really have to psych yourself out to overcome the excuses and the "I can't" blahs, but if it's really something you want, you'll be able to do it, and you'll be glad you did.  

 

At the same time, don't be too hard on yourself.  Be able to recognize when you've come up against a true limitation, and when you do, be gentle and patient and understanding.  Sometimes the limitation will be temporary, like a sprained ankle keeping you from going out to jog.  Sometimes the limitation will be more long-term.  Don't give up.  If the road's blocked, see if there's another route to the same destination.  

If there are people in your life who are anything other than supportive of your goal, either communicate with them to improve the situation or ignore their negative feedback and find people who will support you in your goal.  Change is hard enough without other people making it more difficult.

There's more to the process of making oneself a better person day by day than focusing on diet, exercise, living space, budget, employment, and all the "usual suspects" for New Year's resolutions.  There's also the entire realm of values and character into which one can dive.  A goal could be to make a point of being thankful for something every single day, to do something nice for someone every day--even small things like holding the door open, smiling, greeting someone, or giving someone a genuine compliment--to make a point of considering situations from the other person's point of view before passing judgment, or to foster impeccable honesty.  There's also the world of service; one could volunteer regularly at a shelter, help build homes for the homeless, clean up local parks, etc.

If we view every day as a new chance to make a resolution instead of waiting for the year to change to make a huge list of goals we most likely won't accomplish, we can constantly challenge ourselves to achieve new and exciting things.  When every day is a new beginning, there's a pervasive sense of eagerness and celebration.  When every day is a new beginning, we constantly embrace life and make the most of it, climbing higher and higher each day.

So maybe instead of New Year's resolutions we should have new beginnings resolutions...because they come far more often than just once a year; they're constant, in fact.

Happy new beginnings to you!