Friday, December 24, 2010
Happy Happy
It's the holiday season for a variety of religions and spiritual paths...and secularly, as well. Whatever your leanings might be, may your holiday season be full of joy.
Growth in the Silence
I know it's been a bit quiet. In addition to the holidays, taking a much-needed vacation after eight highly intense months at work, and getting some progress put in on other projects, I've also been working on some behind-the-scenes developments for this. I'd hoped to have it all ready to unveil before I mentioned anything, but it's going to take longer than I'd hoped, so I'll spill the beans. :)
At some point, there will be a main website from which this will be linked, and I hope to have forums hosted there, too, where folks can post and discuss a variety of topics. I'd love to eventually see a community develop of folks who are focused on being good people, doing the right thing, and making the world a better place for their being in it. I'd like to have relevant links and community member/guest-submitted works posted on the main site as well. Relevant news would be posted somewhere, either in the forums or on the main site. If the community idea really took off, there's a lot we could do with that, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. :^D
The domain and hosting's been purchased; I just have to develop the website and implement the forums, which seemed a lot easier than it's been, even though I've done both before. LOL
I'll post more about it when it's done; in the meantime, I'll direct some focus away from that and back toward posting here, since that's what it's all about...at least for now! :)
At some point, there will be a main website from which this will be linked, and I hope to have forums hosted there, too, where folks can post and discuss a variety of topics. I'd love to eventually see a community develop of folks who are focused on being good people, doing the right thing, and making the world a better place for their being in it. I'd like to have relevant links and community member/guest-submitted works posted on the main site as well. Relevant news would be posted somewhere, either in the forums or on the main site. If the community idea really took off, there's a lot we could do with that, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. :^D
The domain and hosting's been purchased; I just have to develop the website and implement the forums, which seemed a lot easier than it's been, even though I've done both before. LOL
I'll post more about it when it's done; in the meantime, I'll direct some focus away from that and back toward posting here, since that's what it's all about...at least for now! :)
Monday, December 13, 2010
It's Not As Easy As It Seems
At least in mainstream U.S. culture, we've grown accustomed to tasks taking relatively little time and effort. There's great focus put toward speed and convenience...which can be great. There are some downsides, however.
One of the downsides--we'll almost certainly touch on others later--is that it's all too easy to build up the expectation that everything should be fast and easy. And not everything is.
One thing that's decidedly neither fast nor easy is personal change, especially when that change directly opposes one's circumstances or current state.
We tend to hear soundbites like, "Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow," which is the title of a book by Karen Casey (a book that communicates some excellent ideas, and I certainly mean nothing against the book or the author; the title just happened to perfectly convey my point), and get the impression that change is easy, that it's as simple as deciding to have a soda instead of tea. So when change doesn't come that quickly and easily, we get frustrated and give up.
Here's the thing: some folks may make change sound easy. Some folks may make change look easy. But change is not easy. It's not fast. It's not particularly fun. (It can be sometimes, depending on what you're changing, but usually? Not so much.) But things that matter often take time and effort. It's not always about whether it's easy or fun; it's about whether it's worthwhile. And it is.
...which is easy to say. :) It's also easy to get frustrated with ourselves, to be hard on ourselves, to decide we can't do it. So don't do the easy thing; do the right thing. Be kind to yourself; be patient with yourself; be forgiving with yourself. And don't give up. You can do it.
If other people try to bring you down, don't let them. Which, admittedly, is easier said than done. It can be difficult to let it roll off your back when someone's tearing at you. If you can, tell them that they're not helping you, that they're hurting you, that if they want to help, they'll support you. Or take a hard line and tell them to back you up or shut up. Or just stop having contact with them. If you can.
If you can't do any of those things, find someone supportive you can talk to. Find as many supportive people to surround you as you can. Let those supportive people and your own mind drown out any negative messages that naysayers may try to throw at you.
It can also help to understand why someone's being negative and tearing you down. Because it pretty much always has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. If you can figure out what's motivating that person to act in that way, it can help them not have as much power over you.
Because you are the one with power here. You are the one who gets to decide who you want to be, whether you want to change, and if so, how. No one else gets to tell you what to decide or to talk you out of your decision once you've made it.
Sometimes it can be really difficult to stick with it. We just don't feel like putting in the effort. And that's okay. Sometimes we need a rest. Sometimes we'll backslide, and sometimes that backslide will last far longer than a moment or three. That's where being patient with and forgiving ourselves comes in. It can be helpful to hang pictures, post sayings, wear jewelry, or in any other way you can, surround yourself with things that remind you of and support you in what you want to do. If you have a daily routine, it can be helpful to incorporate your efforts at change and positive reinforcement thereof into your routine. For instance, if you exercise in the morning, you can imagine that you're breathing in whatever positive quality you're working to build and breathing out whatever negative quality it's replacing. Or when you shower, you can imagine that you're washing away whatever you're looking to get rid of and that you're soaking up the new and better. When you give yourself a final look-over in the mirror before walking out the door in the morning--if you do--you can look yourself in the eyes and say something to yourself, like "I'm a compassionate person," if you're striving to be more compassionate. There will be days when you don't feel like doing any of that, either. And that's okay, too.
Just do what you can as you can. Your best is your best, and that's always good enough. The fact that you try at all makes all the difference and means the world. Always remember that.
One of the downsides--we'll almost certainly touch on others later--is that it's all too easy to build up the expectation that everything should be fast and easy. And not everything is.
One thing that's decidedly neither fast nor easy is personal change, especially when that change directly opposes one's circumstances or current state.
We tend to hear soundbites like, "Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow," which is the title of a book by Karen Casey (a book that communicates some excellent ideas, and I certainly mean nothing against the book or the author; the title just happened to perfectly convey my point), and get the impression that change is easy, that it's as simple as deciding to have a soda instead of tea. So when change doesn't come that quickly and easily, we get frustrated and give up.
Here's the thing: some folks may make change sound easy. Some folks may make change look easy. But change is not easy. It's not fast. It's not particularly fun. (It can be sometimes, depending on what you're changing, but usually? Not so much.) But things that matter often take time and effort. It's not always about whether it's easy or fun; it's about whether it's worthwhile. And it is.
...which is easy to say. :) It's also easy to get frustrated with ourselves, to be hard on ourselves, to decide we can't do it. So don't do the easy thing; do the right thing. Be kind to yourself; be patient with yourself; be forgiving with yourself. And don't give up. You can do it.
If other people try to bring you down, don't let them. Which, admittedly, is easier said than done. It can be difficult to let it roll off your back when someone's tearing at you. If you can, tell them that they're not helping you, that they're hurting you, that if they want to help, they'll support you. Or take a hard line and tell them to back you up or shut up. Or just stop having contact with them. If you can.
If you can't do any of those things, find someone supportive you can talk to. Find as many supportive people to surround you as you can. Let those supportive people and your own mind drown out any negative messages that naysayers may try to throw at you.
It can also help to understand why someone's being negative and tearing you down. Because it pretty much always has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. If you can figure out what's motivating that person to act in that way, it can help them not have as much power over you.
Because you are the one with power here. You are the one who gets to decide who you want to be, whether you want to change, and if so, how. No one else gets to tell you what to decide or to talk you out of your decision once you've made it.
Sometimes it can be really difficult to stick with it. We just don't feel like putting in the effort. And that's okay. Sometimes we need a rest. Sometimes we'll backslide, and sometimes that backslide will last far longer than a moment or three. That's where being patient with and forgiving ourselves comes in. It can be helpful to hang pictures, post sayings, wear jewelry, or in any other way you can, surround yourself with things that remind you of and support you in what you want to do. If you have a daily routine, it can be helpful to incorporate your efforts at change and positive reinforcement thereof into your routine. For instance, if you exercise in the morning, you can imagine that you're breathing in whatever positive quality you're working to build and breathing out whatever negative quality it's replacing. Or when you shower, you can imagine that you're washing away whatever you're looking to get rid of and that you're soaking up the new and better. When you give yourself a final look-over in the mirror before walking out the door in the morning--if you do--you can look yourself in the eyes and say something to yourself, like "I'm a compassionate person," if you're striving to be more compassionate. There will be days when you don't feel like doing any of that, either. And that's okay, too.
Just do what you can as you can. Your best is your best, and that's always good enough. The fact that you try at all makes all the difference and means the world. Always remember that.
"Who Are We?" Part Two
We are who we practice being.
Not just when there are other people around, but also in the moments when no one's looking--mostly in the moments when no one's looking--that's when we define who we are.
The ramifications of this are staggering.
Every word, every action, every thought contributes to who we are.
What we watch, what we listen to, what we read, what kinds of characters we play in games...they contribute to who we are.
Am I one of those people who think that rock music and video games create mass murderers? I cannot answer "NO" emphatically enough. I prefer rock, and I'm a gamer. I am not, however, a mass murderer, nor do I ever plan to be one. I think I'm pretty darn far from being one, in fact. Because, as we discussed in part one, we are who we choose to be; outside forces don't define us unless we let them. And anyone who blames music or video games for the choices a person makes is shirking responsibility and missing the point...but that's a post for another day.
The choices we make--even the tiny ones that don't seem to matter--matter.
A path that gets used over and over again becomes worn into the grass and into the dirt, and walking on it becomes easier over time than walking off the path; it's smooth and well-packed and travels well. Our brains, being the marvels that they are, create paths in much the same way. Have you ever learned a new task, one that had many steps or was rather complex? You were probably slow and clumsy at first, but with repetition you became quick, efficient, confident; you could perform the task with minimal thought and effort; it became second nature. That path had become well-established.
We develop those same paths as we create our character traits. If we practice being pessimistic or mean on a regular basis, those are the paths we'll wear into our brains. And once we wear a path, learning a new path can become quite the challenge.
But that's the great thing: even once a path has formed, a new path can still be learned, and the old one, the one you don't want to use anymore, can be abandoned. With time, the grass will grow over it again, and it will be as if there was never a path there. Again, no one said it would be fast, and no one said it would be easy. It can take a great deal of time and effort, of trial and error, of frustration and setbacks. But it is possible as long as you stick with it. Brains that have sustained damage to major centers of function have taught themselves to regain lost function using other areas of the brain. If the brain can rewire itself so dramatically, we can surely effect a positive change here and there in our character. :)
But to do so requires paying attention to those tiny choices we make in every moment of every day, in being mindful of our words, deeds, and thoughts. Do we have to be perfect all the time? Of course not; that's not possible. Seeking to be perfect all the time is a surefire path to madness; we have to give ourselves permission to be flawed--not to give up trying to be better, but just not trying to be perfect.
The little choices we make in traffic matter, whether we let someone in when we see them trying to merge or turn into the lane. (Because if we do, it's not really going to noticeably slow us down most of the time; there's usually not a whole lot of reason not to.) The little choices we make in the store matter, whether we rush to grab the last item or rush to hop in line before someone or decide to let the person with one item go in front of us when we have a cart full. Even the choices we make in games matter.
I can hear you splutter at this last one, "But it's a game! It's not real! If I decide to burn down the town, nothing really gets destroyed! How can that possibly matter?!?" And I completely understand. I game; I shoot stuff and blow stuff up all the time. I've heard the argument that games are a good place to express urges and dimensions of one's character that one can't express without causing harm in "real life." But let's examine what we know: expressing those dimensions and urges deepens the neural paths for those dimensions and urges; in that respect, our brain doesn't know the difference between "real life" and a game; in that respect, it's ALL real life. If those dimensions and urges aren't things we want to express in "real life", then why do we want to teach them to our brain?
Creating a well-worn neural pathway takes a lot of repetition, time, and practice. So there's plenty of wiggle room there. But if you want to be a good, kind, decent person in "real life", and yet you consistently play an evil, vile, base villain in games, you're going to be sending your brain mixed messages, and you're going to have a harder time being the person you want to be when you're not playing a game.
I've had a lot of people think I'm a stick in the mud because when I play games, I almost always play the good guys. When there are choices of right or wrong to be made, when you can be a hero or a villain; I go with doing what's right and good, even in a game. I can still kill the zombies and slay the dragons, but I do so with the intention to protect and serve, to defend what's good and right. Does that mean I never play the Dark Jedi and gleefully use Force Choke? Not quite. We've all got our moments. :P It just means that those moments are the exceptions, that what I choose to practice being on a regular basis is something else, even when I'm playing a game.
Because we are who we practice being. Whether we're mindfully choosing who we are in that moment or not. Perhaps even more so in the moments when we're not mindful of choosing who we are, because that's when we're engaging our subconscious pathways, when our mind is most open and learning at its deepest levels. I use the example of gaming because I game. But that's just one example; the guiding principle is the same for every moment of our lives, regardless of what we're doing at the time. Playing tennis, letting our minds wander in the shower, ironing the clothes, closing sales at work...whatever we're doing, we're teaching our brains who to be in that moment.
Does that mean we have to censor ourselves every moment? No. That's too harsh, too negative, and not really the right approach. What it does mean is that it's good to be mindful. Whatever we're doing, it's good to have a periodic reality check, to think to ourselves, "Am I acting right now in accord with the person I want to be?" If the answer is "yes", then great! If the answer is "no", then ask yourself, "What do I need to do to bring my actions or thoughts in this moment back into accord with who I want to be?" And then do it. Not that "it" will always be a simple or easy thing to do, but if it's possible, and if it's something that matters to you, then it's worth the time and effort.
Who we are matters. We choose who we are. We are who we practice being, because practice makes perfect...or at least as close to perfect as we can get.
Practice being someone you like and can be proud of.
Not just when there are other people around, but also in the moments when no one's looking--mostly in the moments when no one's looking--that's when we define who we are.
The ramifications of this are staggering.
Every word, every action, every thought contributes to who we are.
What we watch, what we listen to, what we read, what kinds of characters we play in games...they contribute to who we are.
Am I one of those people who think that rock music and video games create mass murderers? I cannot answer "NO" emphatically enough. I prefer rock, and I'm a gamer. I am not, however, a mass murderer, nor do I ever plan to be one. I think I'm pretty darn far from being one, in fact. Because, as we discussed in part one, we are who we choose to be; outside forces don't define us unless we let them. And anyone who blames music or video games for the choices a person makes is shirking responsibility and missing the point...but that's a post for another day.
The choices we make--even the tiny ones that don't seem to matter--matter.
A path that gets used over and over again becomes worn into the grass and into the dirt, and walking on it becomes easier over time than walking off the path; it's smooth and well-packed and travels well. Our brains, being the marvels that they are, create paths in much the same way. Have you ever learned a new task, one that had many steps or was rather complex? You were probably slow and clumsy at first, but with repetition you became quick, efficient, confident; you could perform the task with minimal thought and effort; it became second nature. That path had become well-established.
We develop those same paths as we create our character traits. If we practice being pessimistic or mean on a regular basis, those are the paths we'll wear into our brains. And once we wear a path, learning a new path can become quite the challenge.
But that's the great thing: even once a path has formed, a new path can still be learned, and the old one, the one you don't want to use anymore, can be abandoned. With time, the grass will grow over it again, and it will be as if there was never a path there. Again, no one said it would be fast, and no one said it would be easy. It can take a great deal of time and effort, of trial and error, of frustration and setbacks. But it is possible as long as you stick with it. Brains that have sustained damage to major centers of function have taught themselves to regain lost function using other areas of the brain. If the brain can rewire itself so dramatically, we can surely effect a positive change here and there in our character. :)
But to do so requires paying attention to those tiny choices we make in every moment of every day, in being mindful of our words, deeds, and thoughts. Do we have to be perfect all the time? Of course not; that's not possible. Seeking to be perfect all the time is a surefire path to madness; we have to give ourselves permission to be flawed--not to give up trying to be better, but just not trying to be perfect.
The little choices we make in traffic matter, whether we let someone in when we see them trying to merge or turn into the lane. (Because if we do, it's not really going to noticeably slow us down most of the time; there's usually not a whole lot of reason not to.) The little choices we make in the store matter, whether we rush to grab the last item or rush to hop in line before someone or decide to let the person with one item go in front of us when we have a cart full. Even the choices we make in games matter.
I can hear you splutter at this last one, "But it's a game! It's not real! If I decide to burn down the town, nothing really gets destroyed! How can that possibly matter?!?" And I completely understand. I game; I shoot stuff and blow stuff up all the time. I've heard the argument that games are a good place to express urges and dimensions of one's character that one can't express without causing harm in "real life." But let's examine what we know: expressing those dimensions and urges deepens the neural paths for those dimensions and urges; in that respect, our brain doesn't know the difference between "real life" and a game; in that respect, it's ALL real life. If those dimensions and urges aren't things we want to express in "real life", then why do we want to teach them to our brain?
Creating a well-worn neural pathway takes a lot of repetition, time, and practice. So there's plenty of wiggle room there. But if you want to be a good, kind, decent person in "real life", and yet you consistently play an evil, vile, base villain in games, you're going to be sending your brain mixed messages, and you're going to have a harder time being the person you want to be when you're not playing a game.
I've had a lot of people think I'm a stick in the mud because when I play games, I almost always play the good guys. When there are choices of right or wrong to be made, when you can be a hero or a villain; I go with doing what's right and good, even in a game. I can still kill the zombies and slay the dragons, but I do so with the intention to protect and serve, to defend what's good and right. Does that mean I never play the Dark Jedi and gleefully use Force Choke? Not quite. We've all got our moments. :P It just means that those moments are the exceptions, that what I choose to practice being on a regular basis is something else, even when I'm playing a game.
Because we are who we practice being. Whether we're mindfully choosing who we are in that moment or not. Perhaps even more so in the moments when we're not mindful of choosing who we are, because that's when we're engaging our subconscious pathways, when our mind is most open and learning at its deepest levels. I use the example of gaming because I game. But that's just one example; the guiding principle is the same for every moment of our lives, regardless of what we're doing at the time. Playing tennis, letting our minds wander in the shower, ironing the clothes, closing sales at work...whatever we're doing, we're teaching our brains who to be in that moment.
Does that mean we have to censor ourselves every moment? No. That's too harsh, too negative, and not really the right approach. What it does mean is that it's good to be mindful. Whatever we're doing, it's good to have a periodic reality check, to think to ourselves, "Am I acting right now in accord with the person I want to be?" If the answer is "yes", then great! If the answer is "no", then ask yourself, "What do I need to do to bring my actions or thoughts in this moment back into accord with who I want to be?" And then do it. Not that "it" will always be a simple or easy thing to do, but if it's possible, and if it's something that matters to you, then it's worth the time and effort.
Who we are matters. We choose who we are. We are who we practice being, because practice makes perfect...or at least as close to perfect as we can get.
Practice being someone you like and can be proud of.
"Who Are We?" Part One
We are who we choose to be.
Sure, circumstances constrain our choices to an extent. I can choose to be someone who can fly or breathe underwater without the aid of any technology, but that's not realistic. It's also not what I'm talking about. :) In matters of character, we are who we choose to be. No circumstance or other person can define us unless we allow them to do so. Only we can define ourselves. Only we have that power.
It can be exceedingly difficult to develop character traits in opposition to one's circumstances. To be trusting of people despite being a long-time abuse victim, for instance. No one said it would be easy. No one said it would be fast. We are, after all, works in continual progress, whether we choose to be or not. On that one point, we do not have a choice. ;) But since we must walk a path of progress, it seems better to choose with eyes open the path of progress we will walk, does it not?* For if we decline to choose, our path will be chosen for us by circumstances and other people; at that point, we will have handed over our power and allowed outside forces to tell us who we are, and that path won't necessarily lead anywhere we would like to go.
Yes, no one said it would be easy or fast. However, no one said that developing your desired character traits is necessarily something you have to do alone. For instance, when someone's been through trauma, they often can use some help working through the effects of that trauma. Having done so will allow one to more freely choose who one wants to be. That's just one example. Regardless of one's circumstances, everyone can benefit from support, be it from a counselor, a clergy member, a family member, a friend, or someone completely unexpected. Everyone can also sometimes benefit from guidance, and guidance can sometimes be found in the most unlikely sources...but that's a post for another day.
My best friend has this truly frustrating habit. I'll be talking with him about a personal shortcoming or flaw and say, "I don't want to be like that." His answer? "Then don't." Like it's that simple! Like I can just turn off at will the things I don't like about myself! Like I'd know where to begin!
But you know what? He's right. (He usually is. :P)
Here's what I was missing: the key isn't to focus on getting rid of the aspects of your character you don't like. The key is to replace those aspects with the aspects you want to have instead. Don't like being impatient? Instead of focusing on getting rid of impatience, focus on fostering patience.
Getting rid of a character flaw is like digging a hole in very fine sand. You can dig and dig, but the hole will just keep filling itself back in because there's nothing keeping it from doing so. Instead of digging a hole first so you can put something better in it later, start putting the something better in first, and it will displace the sand on its own.
Developing one's character is a lifelong process, and some parts of the process will happen more naturally, quickly, and effortlessly than others. But they're all worthwhile. The good news is it's never too late to start, and there's no deadline. No one can tell you, "You have to develop patience by 5pm tomorrow." You take a few steps forward, a few steps back; it's tough; it gets frustrating. What matters is that you keep going.
Will you get there eventually? Yes and no. Will you eventually get to a point where--if we continue with the example of patience--you're patient far more often than not? If you keep focusing on developing that trait within yourself, then yes. Will you get to a point where you're always patient? Probably not. We're people, and people are imperfect; we stumble from time to time. That's okay.
Here's the thing: we have to wake up to ourselves every day, look ourselves in the mirror every day*, and spend every waking moment with ourselves. When we spend time with our loved ones, we can choose who this person is that they're spending time with, how they walk away feeling, and the experiences they'll walk away having had. We may as well choose something we like, no?
*All references to walking, looking, etc. are figurative and are meant with absolutely no disrespect to anyone who is visually or mobility impaired.
Sure, circumstances constrain our choices to an extent. I can choose to be someone who can fly or breathe underwater without the aid of any technology, but that's not realistic. It's also not what I'm talking about. :) In matters of character, we are who we choose to be. No circumstance or other person can define us unless we allow them to do so. Only we can define ourselves. Only we have that power.
It can be exceedingly difficult to develop character traits in opposition to one's circumstances. To be trusting of people despite being a long-time abuse victim, for instance. No one said it would be easy. No one said it would be fast. We are, after all, works in continual progress, whether we choose to be or not. On that one point, we do not have a choice. ;) But since we must walk a path of progress, it seems better to choose with eyes open the path of progress we will walk, does it not?* For if we decline to choose, our path will be chosen for us by circumstances and other people; at that point, we will have handed over our power and allowed outside forces to tell us who we are, and that path won't necessarily lead anywhere we would like to go.
Yes, no one said it would be easy or fast. However, no one said that developing your desired character traits is necessarily something you have to do alone. For instance, when someone's been through trauma, they often can use some help working through the effects of that trauma. Having done so will allow one to more freely choose who one wants to be. That's just one example. Regardless of one's circumstances, everyone can benefit from support, be it from a counselor, a clergy member, a family member, a friend, or someone completely unexpected. Everyone can also sometimes benefit from guidance, and guidance can sometimes be found in the most unlikely sources...but that's a post for another day.
My best friend has this truly frustrating habit. I'll be talking with him about a personal shortcoming or flaw and say, "I don't want to be like that." His answer? "Then don't." Like it's that simple! Like I can just turn off at will the things I don't like about myself! Like I'd know where to begin!
But you know what? He's right. (He usually is. :P)
Here's what I was missing: the key isn't to focus on getting rid of the aspects of your character you don't like. The key is to replace those aspects with the aspects you want to have instead. Don't like being impatient? Instead of focusing on getting rid of impatience, focus on fostering patience.
Getting rid of a character flaw is like digging a hole in very fine sand. You can dig and dig, but the hole will just keep filling itself back in because there's nothing keeping it from doing so. Instead of digging a hole first so you can put something better in it later, start putting the something better in first, and it will displace the sand on its own.
Developing one's character is a lifelong process, and some parts of the process will happen more naturally, quickly, and effortlessly than others. But they're all worthwhile. The good news is it's never too late to start, and there's no deadline. No one can tell you, "You have to develop patience by 5pm tomorrow." You take a few steps forward, a few steps back; it's tough; it gets frustrating. What matters is that you keep going.
Will you get there eventually? Yes and no. Will you eventually get to a point where--if we continue with the example of patience--you're patient far more often than not? If you keep focusing on developing that trait within yourself, then yes. Will you get to a point where you're always patient? Probably not. We're people, and people are imperfect; we stumble from time to time. That's okay.
Here's the thing: we have to wake up to ourselves every day, look ourselves in the mirror every day*, and spend every waking moment with ourselves. When we spend time with our loved ones, we can choose who this person is that they're spending time with, how they walk away feeling, and the experiences they'll walk away having had. We may as well choose something we like, no?
*All references to walking, looking, etc. are figurative and are meant with absolutely no disrespect to anyone who is visually or mobility impaired.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Let Sail the Failboat
Voltaire wrote, "The perfect is the enemy of the good."
Okay, actually he didn't. He wrote, "Le mieux est l'ennemi du bien." And from what I've been told, a more literal translation of that is, "The best is the enemy of the good." Nevertheless, we're going with the above statement. :)
We're also going to take it in a slightly different direction than that in which he originally intended. The original quote itself refers more to doing something like writing. First you just have a few ideas. If you scribble some ideas on a scrap of paper and fork that over as a completed project, it's not likely to be received well by your instructor or publisher. At that point, the project needs more work. So you write your outline, do any research you might need to, cobble together a rough draft, and polish it into a first draft. Then you go to town revising and editing. You really flesh it out where it's too lean; you tighten it up where you'd started to ramble, and you snazz it up so it leaps off the page. The prose is clean and free of spelling and grammatical errors. You're done, right?
Well, with any given project or task, some folks know when it's time to kick it out of the nest, and some don't. Some know if they go through one more time, they'll find something else to fix. And they will. Every time. Because we can always make things better.
But there comes a point where good is good. You can keep pouring time, effort, heart, soul, and sanity into making good better, but you won't really make it noticeably better, and if you were investing those resources in another project, you could have a lot more impact. And there's a chance that while you're poring over minute details and making changes based more on whim than actual improvement, deadlines are flying by and other people are growing increasingly frustrated. Hence, "The perfect is the enemy of the good." Time and effort lost seeking perfection once that state of being good has been obtained is all too often a waste and impedes more good.
So that's what the quote's supposed to mean. But we're going to do a little wordplay and tweak the quote for our own purposes. :)
We each understand that our words and actions have effects, and we seek to choose our words and actions mindfully so as to create the best possible effects. We seek to do the right thing and to be good people.
But are we perfect?
No.
And that is O-KAY. We're people. People are not perfect.
What's important is that we put effort into being good, into doing the right thing, into choosing our words and actions mindfully. That's what we should focus on. Yeah, we're going to flub up sometimes. And we could beat ourselves up about it, but that kind of attitude is the enemy of the good. It's discouraging; it creates a negative attitude toward oneself. How we feel about ourselves ends up reflected in how we treat others, and then our butterfly wings are flapping ripples of yuck into the world. Blech.
We're works in constant progress. We should hold ourselves to certain standards, to be sure; it wouldn't be at all helpful to say, "I can't be perfect so why try at all?" But we shouldn't hold ourselves to impossible standards and then punish ourselves when we don't live up to them. We shouldn't expect ourselves to be perfect. The standard of perfection is the enemy of good people.
We also shouldn't expect other people to be perfect. We should hold them to certain standards, as well, especially since people have a way of meeting your expectations of them. But if we expect people to be perfect and tear them down when they're not, all we're doing is causing harm to them and to ourselves.
When we flub up--and we will--here's what we do: Take a step back. Breathe. Remind yourself that you did the best you could under the circumstances. Remind yourself you're a good person. Forgive yourself. Repeat all the above steps while thinking of other people involved in the situation.* Learn from what went wrong. Move on. Go back to focusing on being a good person, on doing the right thing, on choosing your words and actions mindfully. Look ahead. And smile. Because life is good. Even when we flub up.
In fact, flubbing up is a vital part of life. It helps life be good because it's how we learn and grow. I'm far from the first person to say it, but it bears repeating: it's what you do after you flub up that makes all the difference. It's what we choose to do with our mistakes that matters.
And learning from our mistakes not only helps us learn, grow, and become better people, it gives us knowledge and--hopefully :P--wisdom to help guide those who look to us.
When looked at that way, mistakes aren't sources of shame; they're gifts and blessings.
Embrace your gifts and blessings of all types and be gentle with yourself. :)
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
* "But how can I really assume that?" you ask. Well, maybe you can't. Or maybe you know that's not the case. But the field of social psychology, Lee Ross, Edward E. Jones, Victor Harris, and Keith Davis--and probably others--bring us knowledge of the fundamental attribution error/correspondence bias/attribution effect. Put very simply, this is where we tend to draw conclusions about another person's character based on their actions in a given situation. However, if we were in that situation, we would attribute our actions to environmental factors rather than character-based ones. For instance, if a person was snappish, you might conclude they were a rude, inconsiderate person. If you were the snappish person, however, you might know you're not rude by nature but just have a splitting headache. You're inside your own head, know your own circumstances, and are sympathetic to your own cause. That's not always the case when dealing with people outside oneself; it can be all too easy to judge.
There are two blog posts by other people which are generally related to this topic. This one talks about the disease of perfection, which is something I'll talk about again, and I'll probably link this blog post again then as well. And this one talks about the importance of falling and the even greater importance of getting back up.
Okay, actually he didn't. He wrote, "Le mieux est l'ennemi du bien." And from what I've been told, a more literal translation of that is, "The best is the enemy of the good." Nevertheless, we're going with the above statement. :)
We're also going to take it in a slightly different direction than that in which he originally intended. The original quote itself refers more to doing something like writing. First you just have a few ideas. If you scribble some ideas on a scrap of paper and fork that over as a completed project, it's not likely to be received well by your instructor or publisher. At that point, the project needs more work. So you write your outline, do any research you might need to, cobble together a rough draft, and polish it into a first draft. Then you go to town revising and editing. You really flesh it out where it's too lean; you tighten it up where you'd started to ramble, and you snazz it up so it leaps off the page. The prose is clean and free of spelling and grammatical errors. You're done, right?
Well, with any given project or task, some folks know when it's time to kick it out of the nest, and some don't. Some know if they go through one more time, they'll find something else to fix. And they will. Every time. Because we can always make things better.
But there comes a point where good is good. You can keep pouring time, effort, heart, soul, and sanity into making good better, but you won't really make it noticeably better, and if you were investing those resources in another project, you could have a lot more impact. And there's a chance that while you're poring over minute details and making changes based more on whim than actual improvement, deadlines are flying by and other people are growing increasingly frustrated. Hence, "The perfect is the enemy of the good." Time and effort lost seeking perfection once that state of being good has been obtained is all too often a waste and impedes more good.
So that's what the quote's supposed to mean. But we're going to do a little wordplay and tweak the quote for our own purposes. :)
We each understand that our words and actions have effects, and we seek to choose our words and actions mindfully so as to create the best possible effects. We seek to do the right thing and to be good people.
But are we perfect?
No.
And that is O-KAY. We're people. People are not perfect.
What's important is that we put effort into being good, into doing the right thing, into choosing our words and actions mindfully. That's what we should focus on. Yeah, we're going to flub up sometimes. And we could beat ourselves up about it, but that kind of attitude is the enemy of the good. It's discouraging; it creates a negative attitude toward oneself. How we feel about ourselves ends up reflected in how we treat others, and then our butterfly wings are flapping ripples of yuck into the world. Blech.
We're works in constant progress. We should hold ourselves to certain standards, to be sure; it wouldn't be at all helpful to say, "I can't be perfect so why try at all?" But we shouldn't hold ourselves to impossible standards and then punish ourselves when we don't live up to them. We shouldn't expect ourselves to be perfect. The standard of perfection is the enemy of good people.
We also shouldn't expect other people to be perfect. We should hold them to certain standards, as well, especially since people have a way of meeting your expectations of them. But if we expect people to be perfect and tear them down when they're not, all we're doing is causing harm to them and to ourselves.
When we flub up--and we will--here's what we do: Take a step back. Breathe. Remind yourself that you did the best you could under the circumstances. Remind yourself you're a good person. Forgive yourself. Repeat all the above steps while thinking of other people involved in the situation.* Learn from what went wrong. Move on. Go back to focusing on being a good person, on doing the right thing, on choosing your words and actions mindfully. Look ahead. And smile. Because life is good. Even when we flub up.
In fact, flubbing up is a vital part of life. It helps life be good because it's how we learn and grow. I'm far from the first person to say it, but it bears repeating: it's what you do after you flub up that makes all the difference. It's what we choose to do with our mistakes that matters.
And learning from our mistakes not only helps us learn, grow, and become better people, it gives us knowledge and--hopefully :P--wisdom to help guide those who look to us.
When looked at that way, mistakes aren't sources of shame; they're gifts and blessings.
Embrace your gifts and blessings of all types and be gentle with yourself. :)
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
* "But how can I really assume that?" you ask. Well, maybe you can't. Or maybe you know that's not the case. But the field of social psychology, Lee Ross, Edward E. Jones, Victor Harris, and Keith Davis--and probably others--bring us knowledge of the fundamental attribution error/correspondence bias/attribution effect. Put very simply, this is where we tend to draw conclusions about another person's character based on their actions in a given situation. However, if we were in that situation, we would attribute our actions to environmental factors rather than character-based ones. For instance, if a person was snappish, you might conclude they were a rude, inconsiderate person. If you were the snappish person, however, you might know you're not rude by nature but just have a splitting headache. You're inside your own head, know your own circumstances, and are sympathetic to your own cause. That's not always the case when dealing with people outside oneself; it can be all too easy to judge.
There are two blog posts by other people which are generally related to this topic. This one talks about the disease of perfection, which is something I'll talk about again, and I'll probably link this blog post again then as well. And this one talks about the importance of falling and the even greater importance of getting back up.
Monday, December 6, 2010
"Why Does It Matter?" Postscript
When I started the "Why Does It Matter?" series, I started with the self. Because I wanted to begin at a place that would be as inclusive as possible to the broadest variety of perspectives, and that was the most logical place to begin.
If, however, in the course of conversation, someone were to ask me, "Why does it matter?" it's unlikely that's where I'd start. To me, it matters whether we do the right thing or--as we called it in Part Five--whether we live in ma'at simply because it's the right thing. It's just that simple, and questioning that just Does Not Compute.
I learned at a tender young age, though, that I see the world through very different eyes than many of the people around me. There are a multitude of reasons for this. I suspect that many of them stem from my what's-now-called-Autism-Spectrum-Disorder, and I'm certain we'll end up discussing a good number of those reasons in future posts, but today we'll just touch on one.
I value other people, animals, plants, the air, water, land, etc. simply because they exist. I value them for what they are and because if they were not, the world would be poorer for it. That's simply my system of assigning value. While I can intellectually understand other means of assigning value, I can't fathom adopting another system as my own.
I know I'm not the only one who values things this way, and I know that not everyone values things this way, and that is A-okay. Because what's key is getting to the point where people value themselves, other people, animals, plants, the air, water, land, etc. We're just approaching the same goal from different directions. As long as we're all moving toward the desired perspective, our starting point isn't really what's important. As a chorus of wiser minds and souls than mine have said, there are many paths to a single point. As long as we end up where we need to, and as long as our journey is true, who can say we are wrong?
You might be wondering what I'm talking about, approaching the goal from two directions. Or maybe you already see what I did there. Either way, let's walk the garden path. ;)
Several years back, I was in a training session. The attendees participated in an exercise to compare how much value they place on themselves versus how much value they place on others. The results were illuminating. There wasn't anyone in the group who didn't value either. Among the people who valued others and valued self, the numbers were fairly evenly split. But only a tiny portion of the attendees valued both others and self. And yet, their perspective is the most harmonious, healthy, and appropriate among the possibilities. So those who value not-self and those who value self are both approaching the goal of valuing both, just from different starting points. Because, when balanced with each other, both are good. But when taken individually, both can be destructive.
You may be exclaiming, "What do you mean, 'both can be destructive'?!?!" I can certainly empathize. Depending on your starting point, one will be obvious, and the other will not, so let's discuss both.
We've already spoken some about the dangers of solely valuing self without regard to others. And for those of us who are exposed to it, there's quite a bit said about it in mainstream U.S. culture, though the perspective is also highly glorified as well. When one is solely concerned for themselves, it's all too easy to alienate other people. And we need other people, just as they need us. We need connection and emotional support, even the tough and crusty among us who insist we don't (yeah, I've considered myself among that number ;^P). On a very practical level, we need goods and services from other people. If we alienate them, we don't know who we can trust; we don't know who's honest with us. But mostly, as I've said before, it's a lonely, hollow existence, unfulfilling and ultimately unsatisfying. Focusing on "getting ahead" can appear quite attractive in the short-term because there can be short-term gains. But the things you gain aren't the kinds of things that last, and they aren't the kinds of things with meaning. When one dives into the mad dash to chase for more-more-more, one doesn't live life; one runs from it. Because life isn't about what we have; it's about who we are; it's not about what we do to make money; it's about what we love to do, whom we love, and who loves us. It's great to care about oneself; it's necessary. But taken to excess and not balanced with care for others, it's destructive: to oneself as well as to others.
The more difficult and surprising perspective for me to understand is how the "others-first" point-of-view can be destructive. That may be due in part to the fact that I'm a woman, and in spite of the great strides made in gender equality, there's still differential social conditioning between men and women, at least in the southern U.S. In my admittedly limited experience, men are often conditioned to be more aggressive, competitive, and centered in the self, and women are often conditioned to be more acquiescent, cooperative, and selfless. For the most part, gone are the days of the rigidly-defined gender roles of the man being the breadwinner and the woman being the stay-at-home housekeeper and mother; each gender can choose their role unless financial pressure forces both partners to work. The societal conditioning from the days of those rigid gender roles hasn't completely disappeared, though; there's still quite a bit of holdover. But I digress.
Very often, we're taught that it's good to think of others; it's good to be generous and kind; it's good to serve...and it is. The problem--the destruction--comes in when the drive to put others first is taken to excess and not balanced with self-caring.
All too often, we spend hours and hours of each day seeing to the needs and wants of others. We end up not getting the rest we need, waiting to eat and/or possibly not eating well because we're in a hurry, not taking the time to exercise, to relax, to have some fun/downtime/stress-relief/"me-time". We figure we'll see to ourselves once everyone else is taken care of. And by then we're exhausted. No matter how much we may care about other people, no matter how much we may want to help them, we can't do right by them if we don't take care of ourselves. If we don't make sure we get enough rest, get proper nutrition on a reasonable schedule, drink enough water, get some exercise and "me time", we'll eventually burn through our reserves, and any number of things could happen. We might just be crabby one day. Or we might become ill or fatigued; we might become resentful or burned out or reach our breaking point. But even before anything like that happens, we're still causing harm, to ourselves and to the people we serve.
If we pour our lives into serving others without care for ourselves, it's all too easy to define ourselves simply in terms of serving others, to forget who we are or to never know who we are in the first place. Not only does this deprive us of being able to live a truly full life, it deprives the people around us of having the pleasure to know the individual we would be if we let ourselves learn who we are, and it deprives the world of some truly amazing people.
If we value others without balancing that value with self-value and self-care, we--by definition--devalue ourselves. We engage in self-deprivation by putting others first and saving our needs until all others are met. Since 70% of communication is not what we say or even so much how we say it but what we communicate through other means--known as metacommunication (or meta-communication)--think: is that the message you really want to put out there? Underneath the surface message of service to others, are those the ripples you really want to send outward when you flap your butterfly wings? Is that what you want to say to the people who look to you? "I don't value myself. I'm not worthy. Don't value yourself. You're not worthy. I can't look after myself; there's not enough time; there's not enough money; there's not enough, not enough, not enough. Make sure everyone else is taken care of, but you don't matter enough to take care of yourself because there's not enough."
We can't truly help anyone else unless we take care of ourselves. If we try, we hurt both them and us.
Regardless of the point from which we start, it can be terribly difficult to pick up that other side and get to the desired destination, to the point where everyone is valued. Everyone. However, it's unspeakably vital.
If someone were to ask me, in conversation, why it matters, I'd have difficulty starting with the self because I'm still working on getting to that desired destination. But that's the joy of a life well-lived: there's always more growing to do.
If, however, in the course of conversation, someone were to ask me, "Why does it matter?" it's unlikely that's where I'd start. To me, it matters whether we do the right thing or--as we called it in Part Five--whether we live in ma'at simply because it's the right thing. It's just that simple, and questioning that just Does Not Compute.
I learned at a tender young age, though, that I see the world through very different eyes than many of the people around me. There are a multitude of reasons for this. I suspect that many of them stem from my what's-now-called-Autism-Spectrum-Disorder, and I'm certain we'll end up discussing a good number of those reasons in future posts, but today we'll just touch on one.
I value other people, animals, plants, the air, water, land, etc. simply because they exist. I value them for what they are and because if they were not, the world would be poorer for it. That's simply my system of assigning value. While I can intellectually understand other means of assigning value, I can't fathom adopting another system as my own.
I know I'm not the only one who values things this way, and I know that not everyone values things this way, and that is A-okay. Because what's key is getting to the point where people value themselves, other people, animals, plants, the air, water, land, etc. We're just approaching the same goal from different directions. As long as we're all moving toward the desired perspective, our starting point isn't really what's important. As a chorus of wiser minds and souls than mine have said, there are many paths to a single point. As long as we end up where we need to, and as long as our journey is true, who can say we are wrong?
You might be wondering what I'm talking about, approaching the goal from two directions. Or maybe you already see what I did there. Either way, let's walk the garden path. ;)
Several years back, I was in a training session. The attendees participated in an exercise to compare how much value they place on themselves versus how much value they place on others. The results were illuminating. There wasn't anyone in the group who didn't value either. Among the people who valued others and valued self, the numbers were fairly evenly split. But only a tiny portion of the attendees valued both others and self. And yet, their perspective is the most harmonious, healthy, and appropriate among the possibilities. So those who value not-self and those who value self are both approaching the goal of valuing both, just from different starting points. Because, when balanced with each other, both are good. But when taken individually, both can be destructive.
You may be exclaiming, "What do you mean, 'both can be destructive'?!?!" I can certainly empathize. Depending on your starting point, one will be obvious, and the other will not, so let's discuss both.
We've already spoken some about the dangers of solely valuing self without regard to others. And for those of us who are exposed to it, there's quite a bit said about it in mainstream U.S. culture, though the perspective is also highly glorified as well. When one is solely concerned for themselves, it's all too easy to alienate other people. And we need other people, just as they need us. We need connection and emotional support, even the tough and crusty among us who insist we don't (yeah, I've considered myself among that number ;^P). On a very practical level, we need goods and services from other people. If we alienate them, we don't know who we can trust; we don't know who's honest with us. But mostly, as I've said before, it's a lonely, hollow existence, unfulfilling and ultimately unsatisfying. Focusing on "getting ahead" can appear quite attractive in the short-term because there can be short-term gains. But the things you gain aren't the kinds of things that last, and they aren't the kinds of things with meaning. When one dives into the mad dash to chase for more-more-more, one doesn't live life; one runs from it. Because life isn't about what we have; it's about who we are; it's not about what we do to make money; it's about what we love to do, whom we love, and who loves us. It's great to care about oneself; it's necessary. But taken to excess and not balanced with care for others, it's destructive: to oneself as well as to others.
The more difficult and surprising perspective for me to understand is how the "others-first" point-of-view can be destructive. That may be due in part to the fact that I'm a woman, and in spite of the great strides made in gender equality, there's still differential social conditioning between men and women, at least in the southern U.S. In my admittedly limited experience, men are often conditioned to be more aggressive, competitive, and centered in the self, and women are often conditioned to be more acquiescent, cooperative, and selfless. For the most part, gone are the days of the rigidly-defined gender roles of the man being the breadwinner and the woman being the stay-at-home housekeeper and mother; each gender can choose their role unless financial pressure forces both partners to work. The societal conditioning from the days of those rigid gender roles hasn't completely disappeared, though; there's still quite a bit of holdover. But I digress.
Very often, we're taught that it's good to think of others; it's good to be generous and kind; it's good to serve...and it is. The problem--the destruction--comes in when the drive to put others first is taken to excess and not balanced with self-caring.
All too often, we spend hours and hours of each day seeing to the needs and wants of others. We end up not getting the rest we need, waiting to eat and/or possibly not eating well because we're in a hurry, not taking the time to exercise, to relax, to have some fun/downtime/stress-relief/"me-time". We figure we'll see to ourselves once everyone else is taken care of. And by then we're exhausted. No matter how much we may care about other people, no matter how much we may want to help them, we can't do right by them if we don't take care of ourselves. If we don't make sure we get enough rest, get proper nutrition on a reasonable schedule, drink enough water, get some exercise and "me time", we'll eventually burn through our reserves, and any number of things could happen. We might just be crabby one day. Or we might become ill or fatigued; we might become resentful or burned out or reach our breaking point. But even before anything like that happens, we're still causing harm, to ourselves and to the people we serve.
If we pour our lives into serving others without care for ourselves, it's all too easy to define ourselves simply in terms of serving others, to forget who we are or to never know who we are in the first place. Not only does this deprive us of being able to live a truly full life, it deprives the people around us of having the pleasure to know the individual we would be if we let ourselves learn who we are, and it deprives the world of some truly amazing people.
If we value others without balancing that value with self-value and self-care, we--by definition--devalue ourselves. We engage in self-deprivation by putting others first and saving our needs until all others are met. Since 70% of communication is not what we say or even so much how we say it but what we communicate through other means--known as metacommunication (or meta-communication)--think: is that the message you really want to put out there? Underneath the surface message of service to others, are those the ripples you really want to send outward when you flap your butterfly wings? Is that what you want to say to the people who look to you? "I don't value myself. I'm not worthy. Don't value yourself. You're not worthy. I can't look after myself; there's not enough time; there's not enough money; there's not enough, not enough, not enough. Make sure everyone else is taken care of, but you don't matter enough to take care of yourself because there's not enough."
We can't truly help anyone else unless we take care of ourselves. If we try, we hurt both them and us.
Regardless of the point from which we start, it can be terribly difficult to pick up that other side and get to the desired destination, to the point where everyone is valued. Everyone. However, it's unspeakably vital.
If someone were to ask me, in conversation, why it matters, I'd have difficulty starting with the self because I'm still working on getting to that desired destination. But that's the joy of a life well-lived: there's always more growing to do.
Friday, December 3, 2010
"Why Does It Matter?" Part Five
Every culture gets some things wrong and some things right. Both can teach us valuable lessons if we but take the time to learn.
There are those who look to the past, to ancient cultures, as if some idyllic, perfect culture once existed. As if, by learning about and re-creating that culture, we could create a perfect present. I understand where that sentiment comes from; it's an incredibly pervasive motif in religion. I, however, don't believe that a perfect culture has ever existed. I hope that the world will become better than it is, that people will strive to be good, decent, honorable, kind, just, true, virtuous, the list goes on.... Nevertheless, I feel that approaching a perfect culture is rather like a limit approaching zero in calculus. Of course, that's why people believe in some perfect moment in the past, be it a perfect culture or the perfection of Creation/creation; if perfection has existed, there is perfection to which to return; it is possible. But I digress.
As I was saying, every culture gets some things right and some things wrong. I find it valuable to learn from the cultures of the past and present, to glean the lessons they teach, to gain new perspectives on the world. In this post, we'll look to the religious philosophy of Ancient Egypt to provide an example for us. There are definitely things that culture got wrong--slavery and corruption immediately spring to mind--but, in stark contrast to that, there were aspects of their worldview that--in my opinion, of course--they got very, very right and that perfectly express the ideals, sentiments, and concepts I wish to convey in this post.
Let us literally begin at the beginning. In the Ancient Egyptian worldview, at the moment of creation, the world was perfect. When the world was brought into existence, there was also brought into existence an essence or perhaps a force, which was also personified as a goddess, called ma'at (or Ma'at, if speaking of the goddess). Ma'at is...complex, and is--along with the Ancient Egyptian view of "The First Time"--the precise reason I chose to speak about Ancient Egypt in this post; there just really aren't many cultures out there that have a similar concept.
Ma'at was viewed by the Ancient Egyptians--at least until near the end of their culture--as something that could not be taught to someone by simply defining the term for them (yeah, a lot like I'm doing right now >.>) but could be taught by example, by living a life of ma'at. So, knowing that the definition isn't really enough to capture the concept, what's this "ma'at" term I keep babbling on about?
Ma'at was--is, since we're still using the term--pretty much all that's good and right in the world and in people. It's truth, honor, justice, integrity; it's correctness and appropriateness; it's order--natural, social, cosmic, all kinds--in opposition to chaos. (Not that chaos is necessarily bad, but uncontrolled chaos makes it difficult for life to do its thing.) Ma'at is harmony. Ma'at is the North Star by which we orient as we sail through the seas of life.
Ma'at was said to be as essential to life as air, food, water, and shelter. Ma'at was said to be essential to all things, not just the living, but to the existence of the world as a whole. Ma'at was said to bring pleasure to the Creator and to be his most beloved child. In one of the most important religious rituals, an image or symbol of Ma'at was presented to the god. The Creator created Ma'at, and she infuses our world, and the pharaoh--or the priest as his representative--offered Ma'at back to the god in a reciprocal gesture and as a way of sustaining both the god and the culture.
The idea that the world was perfect in the beginning is fairly ubiquitous among creation myths. For the Ancient Egyptians, however, creation wasn't a one-time deal; it was ongoing. The term for this is "zep tepi" or "sep tepi", meaning "The First Time." And ma'at was essential to the continued well-being of the culture. In order for the culture to thrive, for the world to go on, that ongoing First Time had to continue to be infused with ma'at. It was most important for the pharaoh to live ma'at because of his responsibility for the entire culture, and those who held higher stations also had a greater duty to live ma'at, but it was important for all people to live ma'at. It was later said of the times of transition between Periods that Ma'at was driven out, but that once order was restored, she and her essence returned.
In Chapter 7 of Idea Into Image: Essays on Ancient Egyptian Thought, Erik Hornung says (in words translated into English by Elizabeth Bredec), "Egyptian texts state that while evil, injustice, and irrationality may enjoy temporary success, experience shows that ultimately they will find no secure harbor. These forces have no permanence, and because they bring no lasting profit, they are useless and dangerous....Maat is that which remains in the end."
In the beginning, the created world was perfect. In the beginning, ma'at was created. The beginning is ongoing, and people can choose to return to that state of perfection at any time by living ma'at. In Egyptian Religion, Siegfried Morenz writes (in words translated into English by Ann E. Keep), "Maat is therefore not only right order but also the object of human activity. Maat is both the task which man sets himself and also, as righteousness, the promise and reward which await him on fulfilling it." (p. 113)
That's the Ancient Egyptian view. I take issue only with the notion that a "perfect world" ever existed. In my view, the world is what the world is, and it always has been, and while I believe that we can get as close as we can get to perfection by living ma'at, I don't believe achieving perfection is possible. I do, however, believe the natural tendency of the world and of people is toward what the Ancient Egyptians described as ma'at. Life and the act of surviving in the world we've created can push us away from that tendency and toward more of a survival-oriented, dog-eat-dog mode--sometimes frighteningly quickly--but I truly believe that, except in cases where a person has some sort of condition which precludes such, people originally tend toward good.
I also believe, much like the Ancient Egyptians did, that creation is ongoing. One of my favorite quotes is "We are who we choose to be." (I sometimes say it as, "We are who we practice being," but that's another post.) If we don't like who we are or the direction in which we're heading, we can seize the opportunity afforded us by ongoing creation and become who we choose to be. Or, as stated by the character Sofia Serrano (portrayed by Penélope Cruz) in the movie Vanilla Sky, "Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around."
So why does it matter? As we briefly discussed at the end of the last installment, who we are and how we live creates the world, every moment of every day. How can it not matter?
There are those who look to the past, to ancient cultures, as if some idyllic, perfect culture once existed. As if, by learning about and re-creating that culture, we could create a perfect present. I understand where that sentiment comes from; it's an incredibly pervasive motif in religion. I, however, don't believe that a perfect culture has ever existed. I hope that the world will become better than it is, that people will strive to be good, decent, honorable, kind, just, true, virtuous, the list goes on.... Nevertheless, I feel that approaching a perfect culture is rather like a limit approaching zero in calculus. Of course, that's why people believe in some perfect moment in the past, be it a perfect culture or the perfection of Creation/creation; if perfection has existed, there is perfection to which to return; it is possible. But I digress.
As I was saying, every culture gets some things right and some things wrong. I find it valuable to learn from the cultures of the past and present, to glean the lessons they teach, to gain new perspectives on the world. In this post, we'll look to the religious philosophy of Ancient Egypt to provide an example for us. There are definitely things that culture got wrong--slavery and corruption immediately spring to mind--but, in stark contrast to that, there were aspects of their worldview that--in my opinion, of course--they got very, very right and that perfectly express the ideals, sentiments, and concepts I wish to convey in this post.
Let us literally begin at the beginning. In the Ancient Egyptian worldview, at the moment of creation, the world was perfect. When the world was brought into existence, there was also brought into existence an essence or perhaps a force, which was also personified as a goddess, called ma'at (or Ma'at, if speaking of the goddess). Ma'at is...complex, and is--along with the Ancient Egyptian view of "The First Time"--the precise reason I chose to speak about Ancient Egypt in this post; there just really aren't many cultures out there that have a similar concept.
Ma'at was viewed by the Ancient Egyptians--at least until near the end of their culture--as something that could not be taught to someone by simply defining the term for them (yeah, a lot like I'm doing right now >.>) but could be taught by example, by living a life of ma'at. So, knowing that the definition isn't really enough to capture the concept, what's this "ma'at" term I keep babbling on about?
Ma'at was--is, since we're still using the term--pretty much all that's good and right in the world and in people. It's truth, honor, justice, integrity; it's correctness and appropriateness; it's order--natural, social, cosmic, all kinds--in opposition to chaos. (Not that chaos is necessarily bad, but uncontrolled chaos makes it difficult for life to do its thing.) Ma'at is harmony. Ma'at is the North Star by which we orient as we sail through the seas of life.
Ma'at was said to be as essential to life as air, food, water, and shelter. Ma'at was said to be essential to all things, not just the living, but to the existence of the world as a whole. Ma'at was said to bring pleasure to the Creator and to be his most beloved child. In one of the most important religious rituals, an image or symbol of Ma'at was presented to the god. The Creator created Ma'at, and she infuses our world, and the pharaoh--or the priest as his representative--offered Ma'at back to the god in a reciprocal gesture and as a way of sustaining both the god and the culture.
The idea that the world was perfect in the beginning is fairly ubiquitous among creation myths. For the Ancient Egyptians, however, creation wasn't a one-time deal; it was ongoing. The term for this is "zep tepi" or "sep tepi", meaning "The First Time." And ma'at was essential to the continued well-being of the culture. In order for the culture to thrive, for the world to go on, that ongoing First Time had to continue to be infused with ma'at. It was most important for the pharaoh to live ma'at because of his responsibility for the entire culture, and those who held higher stations also had a greater duty to live ma'at, but it was important for all people to live ma'at. It was later said of the times of transition between Periods that Ma'at was driven out, but that once order was restored, she and her essence returned.
In Chapter 7 of Idea Into Image: Essays on Ancient Egyptian Thought, Erik Hornung says (in words translated into English by Elizabeth Bredec), "Egyptian texts state that while evil, injustice, and irrationality may enjoy temporary success, experience shows that ultimately they will find no secure harbor. These forces have no permanence, and because they bring no lasting profit, they are useless and dangerous....Maat is that which remains in the end."
In the beginning, the created world was perfect. In the beginning, ma'at was created. The beginning is ongoing, and people can choose to return to that state of perfection at any time by living ma'at. In Egyptian Religion, Siegfried Morenz writes (in words translated into English by Ann E. Keep), "Maat is therefore not only right order but also the object of human activity. Maat is both the task which man sets himself and also, as righteousness, the promise and reward which await him on fulfilling it." (p. 113)
That's the Ancient Egyptian view. I take issue only with the notion that a "perfect world" ever existed. In my view, the world is what the world is, and it always has been, and while I believe that we can get as close as we can get to perfection by living ma'at, I don't believe achieving perfection is possible. I do, however, believe the natural tendency of the world and of people is toward what the Ancient Egyptians described as ma'at. Life and the act of surviving in the world we've created can push us away from that tendency and toward more of a survival-oriented, dog-eat-dog mode--sometimes frighteningly quickly--but I truly believe that, except in cases where a person has some sort of condition which precludes such, people originally tend toward good.
I also believe, much like the Ancient Egyptians did, that creation is ongoing. One of my favorite quotes is "We are who we choose to be." (I sometimes say it as, "We are who we practice being," but that's another post.) If we don't like who we are or the direction in which we're heading, we can seize the opportunity afforded us by ongoing creation and become who we choose to be. Or, as stated by the character Sofia Serrano (portrayed by Penélope Cruz) in the movie Vanilla Sky, "Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around."
So why does it matter? As we briefly discussed at the end of the last installment, who we are and how we live creates the world, every moment of every day. How can it not matter?
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Happy Chanukah...
...or Hanukkah or Chanukkah to those who celebrate/observe it! :)
On an unrelated note, I'm working on a big post for part five in the series, which I'm thinking will be the last part of that particular series...unless I need to break it into smaller parts. :)
I might end up posting something else later on today, though, if the last series post looks like it's going to take more time to develop, which seems likely.
Aw, man, now y'all are going to expect something awesome! :P
On an unrelated note, I'm working on a big post for part five in the series, which I'm thinking will be the last part of that particular series...unless I need to break it into smaller parts. :)
I might end up posting something else later on today, though, if the last series post looks like it's going to take more time to develop, which seems likely.
Aw, man, now y'all are going to expect something awesome! :P
And Now For Something Completely Different
Now on Twitter @Syndramise
I'm not quite sure how Twitter, Facebook, and this platform will interact yet--and also considering adding forums if we start getting traffic--but I'm sure it'll all get sorted out. :)
If you're on Twitter, Facebook, or have a blog, let me know so I can follow or friend you.
More posts coming very soon! :^D
I'm not quite sure how Twitter, Facebook, and this platform will interact yet--and also considering adding forums if we start getting traffic--but I'm sure it'll all get sorted out. :)
If you're on Twitter, Facebook, or have a blog, let me know so I can follow or friend you.
More posts coming very soon! :^D
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
"Why Does It Matter?" Part Four
As we stopped for a rest at the close of our last entry, we espied the terrain in which we shall journey today.
As we strive to do the right thing, we elevate. We elevate ourselves first. But because we're all connected, it doesn't stop there. It's like hoisting a net from the water by a single point: as one point climbs higher, others will rise as well--first the points closest to the point being elevated will rise, then points connected more distantly will join.
This isn't elevation in the sense of placing oneself above others, in the sense of "I'm better than you;" it's quite the opposite. It's elevation in the sense of drawing our perspective back, of perceiving horizons beyond our own, of rising above the petty, mundane, squabbling details we scrabble over all too often in daily life that ultimately mean nothing, and of seeing that true meaning lies elsewhere, in the vast depths of life we never imagined because we were too busy focusing on ephemera. Truthfully, it's both elevation and expansion, expansion beyond self and realization of the nature of our connection to each other and to the world around us. It's an acceptance of our place in that larger picture and of our responsibility in the face of that knowledge. It could be argued that this is the greatest growth a single person can undergo: from irresponsibility through self-responsibility through shouldering responsibility for more than just oneself. It's a sacred and beautiful process, the flowering of honor and nobility.
We elevate ourselves first, and ourselves are the only ones we can intentionally elevate. We cannot force other people to change, to rise above, to become anything other than what they are. We can, however, inspire. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." You might be surprised how many people will take your lead. More people than you might imagine are desperately seeking a glimmer of hope for humankind, some indication of what to do, where to go, how to make things better, how to matter, how to make sense of it all, how to make the empty feeling go away. You might be surprised how many people will walk with you if you take the first step.
Not everyone, however, will be so inspired. Not everyone will appreciate the change. Not everyone will want to join in the elevation. That's when you get to consider what role such people play in your life, if and how you will walk together with them in the future. That's when it's time to weigh priorities and to see who and what rank where. It may be that you're willing to bend your ethics to accommodate someone very dear to you, or it may be that you stick to your ethics no matter what. It may be that you reach a compromise or mutual understanding. Whatever you decide, it's your choice to make. But the need to make choices will arise.
Make no mistake: undergoing the process of elevation is not particularly easy. It's not always--or necessarily even often--fun. And it never really ends. It can be painful, frightening, and lonely. But it improves you in ways that nothing else can. As we discussed before, it gives you something real, of lasting value, by making you someone you can be proud of and by allowing you to have a positive effect on the world around you. Because make no mistake there, either: it does have a positive effect on the world around you. That effect may be difficult to see, especially at times, but it's there, and the more you do the right thing, the greater it becomes.
So many of us dream of changing the world. The truth is, we change it every day. Lasting change is rarely borne of a momentary, instantaneous event. Lasting change unfolds via a gradual, bit-by-bit process. We change the world by our interactions with others, by how we speak to them, by how we treat them. We change the world by how we interact with everything around us, living or not. How are you changing the world? Is it the change you wish to see? We can create the world in which we wish to live by making it so, and we start with ourselves. How else will it ever change? It has to start somewhere.
Different variations of the quote exist, but in some form, Margaret Mead wrote, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
Let us be some of those people. Are you with me?
As we strive to do the right thing, we elevate. We elevate ourselves first. But because we're all connected, it doesn't stop there. It's like hoisting a net from the water by a single point: as one point climbs higher, others will rise as well--first the points closest to the point being elevated will rise, then points connected more distantly will join.
This isn't elevation in the sense of placing oneself above others, in the sense of "I'm better than you;" it's quite the opposite. It's elevation in the sense of drawing our perspective back, of perceiving horizons beyond our own, of rising above the petty, mundane, squabbling details we scrabble over all too often in daily life that ultimately mean nothing, and of seeing that true meaning lies elsewhere, in the vast depths of life we never imagined because we were too busy focusing on ephemera. Truthfully, it's both elevation and expansion, expansion beyond self and realization of the nature of our connection to each other and to the world around us. It's an acceptance of our place in that larger picture and of our responsibility in the face of that knowledge. It could be argued that this is the greatest growth a single person can undergo: from irresponsibility through self-responsibility through shouldering responsibility for more than just oneself. It's a sacred and beautiful process, the flowering of honor and nobility.
We elevate ourselves first, and ourselves are the only ones we can intentionally elevate. We cannot force other people to change, to rise above, to become anything other than what they are. We can, however, inspire. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." You might be surprised how many people will take your lead. More people than you might imagine are desperately seeking a glimmer of hope for humankind, some indication of what to do, where to go, how to make things better, how to matter, how to make sense of it all, how to make the empty feeling go away. You might be surprised how many people will walk with you if you take the first step.
Not everyone, however, will be so inspired. Not everyone will appreciate the change. Not everyone will want to join in the elevation. That's when you get to consider what role such people play in your life, if and how you will walk together with them in the future. That's when it's time to weigh priorities and to see who and what rank where. It may be that you're willing to bend your ethics to accommodate someone very dear to you, or it may be that you stick to your ethics no matter what. It may be that you reach a compromise or mutual understanding. Whatever you decide, it's your choice to make. But the need to make choices will arise.
Make no mistake: undergoing the process of elevation is not particularly easy. It's not always--or necessarily even often--fun. And it never really ends. It can be painful, frightening, and lonely. But it improves you in ways that nothing else can. As we discussed before, it gives you something real, of lasting value, by making you someone you can be proud of and by allowing you to have a positive effect on the world around you. Because make no mistake there, either: it does have a positive effect on the world around you. That effect may be difficult to see, especially at times, but it's there, and the more you do the right thing, the greater it becomes.
So many of us dream of changing the world. The truth is, we change it every day. Lasting change is rarely borne of a momentary, instantaneous event. Lasting change unfolds via a gradual, bit-by-bit process. We change the world by our interactions with others, by how we speak to them, by how we treat them. We change the world by how we interact with everything around us, living or not. How are you changing the world? Is it the change you wish to see? We can create the world in which we wish to live by making it so, and we start with ourselves. How else will it ever change? It has to start somewhere.
Different variations of the quote exist, but in some form, Margaret Mead wrote, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
Let us be some of those people. Are you with me?
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