How 'Bout We Take Some Responsibility?

(I try to avoid U.S.-centric posts because I like to be more universal, but sometimes you just gotta focus a little closer to home.)

There's been a lot of talk about the recent shooting spree in Arizona.  As there should be.

There have been many fingers pointed.  This is less helpful.

The problem isn't that the assertions being made are incorrect or irrelevant; many excellent insights have come from one side pointing the blame at the other; we'll talk more about some of those in a minute.  The finger-pointing is less than helpful because the question is all wrong.

The question isn't, "How is everyone else responsible?"  The question is, "In what ways have my actions/words and the actions/words of the organizations I support contributed to this outcome?" In other words, instead of working as hard as possible to shirk responsibility and shift blame onto someone else, we should all be asking ourselves in what ways we're responsible for the current state of affairs in which such events occur.  We need to stop asking, "How can I make this their fault?" and start asking, "In what way is this my fault?"  That's the only way we're ever going to get anywhere.

Because we're all part of this society to some extent, and we can make things better, let them stay the same, or make them worse. 

You may be saying, "I had nothing to do with that guy! I live nowhere near Arizona!"  But just because you or I didn't bully him in school or suspect him of having mental health issues and neglect to help him doesn't mean we haven't in some way contributed to the current milieu in which such events occur.

The shooting in Arizona was not the first such event we've seen.  And yet, so many people seem so shocked.  How can that be?

I know it's easier to believe that events like Columbine and Virginia Tech were just isolated incidents, the result of the perpetrator's mental illness or having been the victim of bullying.  But surely anyone who allows themselves to think about it even a little realizes that mental illness and bullying really aren't terribly rare, and they certainly don't disappear from the world just because someone shoots some people.

After such incidents, there's a flurry of discussion on topics such as gun control, mental illness, bullying, the gun culture in our country, whether violent images in our culture are creating violent impulses, etc.  But once the furor dies down after such an incident, conversations stop, attention gets focused elsewhere, very little--if any--change occurs, and people mostly seem to forget...and then seem dumbfounded when it happens again.  Would it be rude of me to scream, "WAKE UP!" at this point?

Three points need to be made.

First, anyone who thinks there's only one single cause for any human action more complex than fulfilling basic biological needs lives in a children's book.  People are neither that simple nor straightforward.  If they were, the field of psychology would have no need to exist, and Aspies like me wouldn't be so darn confused so much of the time.  Moreover, anyone who thinks there's one single, easily-identifiable reason for one person to shoot a bunch of other people (and sometimes themselves) is either in serious denial or is flat-out delusional.  If the decision between oatmeal and a doughnut for breakfast becomes a theater for actors like desire, guilt, determination, societal pressure to look good, the allure of instant gratification, concerns regarding health, concerns regarding money, anxiety, a bundle of tangled perspectives on self-perception, etc., how in the world can a shooting be a single-cause action?!? Srsly.

Second, these things that people discuss in the wake of such events need to be discussed.  It would have been nice if we could have paid some attention to things what needed fixed before someone started blasting away, but since it's far and away too late to keep THAT from happening, how's about we make sure we keep up the discussion this time long enough to resolve some things? 

• Mental Health Issues - We need more readily available and less costly mental health support in this country.  We need to find out what's actually going on with folks before either blowing them off or shoving a pill--or five--down their throats.  And we need to work together to remove the stigma associated with seeking help for mental health issues.

• Gun Control - An extremist point of view on either end of this issue is irresponsible.  Adult individuals have the right to make their own choice regarding whether or not they wish to own firearms.  Not only would taking away that right not solve the root causes of the real problems, it would cause new problems.  Letting any adult walk into a store where firearms are sold, however, and almost immediately walk out with a high-capacity semiautomatic weapon is so incredibly irresponsible, arrogant, and infuriatingly idiotic there simply aren't words to express the reprehensibility of such brazen disregard and negligence.  Requiring a concealed carry class/qualification/certification, a background check, waiting period, and registration/license are all excellent ways to help increase firearm responsibility and safety.  Reinstating the assault weapons ban or passing similar legislation would help reduce the number of casualties when shootings do occur.  It's a lot harder to shoot 30 people before being interrupted if your firearm only holds 10 rounds instead of 32; reloading takes at least a little time.

• Bullying -  There have been some excellent discussions recently regarding bullying.  They're decades overdue.  Bullying is two things: 1) unacceptable, 2) something kids learn from their parents.  Parents, if you haven't figured it out by now, your kids hear and see everything.  No, not like you hear and see everything they do.  They really hear and see everything.  Because they're small and unobtrusive and sometimes beneath notice or lurking just out of sight, or maybe you don't realize how loud your voice is or how keen their hearing is or how much they really are paying attention even if they seem to be focusing on something else.  So when you're posturing aggressively and talking hate and trash about someone, expressing your frustrations by recounting all the things you're going to do to someone, etc., they're learning from you how to treat people.  Kids are "monkey see, monkey do", and you may not even realize what they've seen or heard until it comes back to haunt you.  Be careful what you do and say.  Tone of voice? Facial expressions?  Think they're too subtle for your child to pick up on them?  Wrong.  They soak up everything.  You have to be better than you are so they can be better than you are.  Don't just be mindful of the example you set; be terrified of the example you could set if you aren't mindful.  

Bullying is the outward display of extreme insecurity and fear.  It's what someone does when they themselves are bullied or made to feel powerless, weak, humiliated, and afraid by someone more powerful than them: they go find someone weaker than they are and make that person feel weak, powerless, afraid, and humiliated.  Thankfully, there are places the buck stops; there are people--of any age--who are able to respond in better ways to such treatment, for one reason or another.  

People of all ages, parents and non-parents, everyone needs to be part of the discussion on bullying, and everyone needs to think about this issue and act on it in a positive way; it affects all of us.  Whether or not we've been bullied at some point--how many people can really say they haven't?--whether we've been the bully, whether we've seen bullying, heard about it, or known someone who was bullied, we're all affected by bullying.  It happens among adults as well as children.  It's a dysfunctional response to pain that causes more pain, and it needs to stop.

• Violent Images, Music, etc. - I'm laying another one on you, parents.  Your children see the world the way they do because that's what you've taught them.  Either by actively informing and shaping them or by "teaching" them through neglect--you're still teaching them, just nothing good--or something in between, you're the ones who mold their perspective and values.  Some of your children will assert their independence, break from your beliefs, and seek their own.  Some never will.  Regardless, the initial structure you provide them creates the framework for the rest of their lives: how they view themselves, other people, and the world around them; how they learn, grow, and develop; how they interact with other people and their world, who they eventually become.  They process music, movies, TV, video games, etc. through the filters that your instruction builds.  They choose what they watch, listen to, and play because they've grown into those choices from building on the foundation you've created for them.  If you've taught your children well and given them a solid foundation and framework, they'll make good choices, and regardless of what they may watch, listen to, or play, they'll be good people.  You absolutely CANNOT rely on the educational system, the government, television, movies, music, or any other source to teach your children how to be good people.  It is ALL on you.  Too many parents like to foist that responsibility--or, more often, blame when something goes wrong--on someone or something else, doing things like suing schools or game manufacturers when their children "go wrong."  But that's a cop out, and it not only hurts your child, it's hurting everyone else's children, too.  Grow up, take responsibility, and be parents to your children.  Anyone who can't or isn't willing to do that shouldn't have them in the first place.

• Gun Culture/Political Vitriol - People are saying it's unfair to blame Sarah Palin and her crosshair/gun sights map that targeted 20 Democrats and used terms such as "reload," "aim," and "salvo," or Jesse Kelly and his "Get on Target for Victory in November/Help Remove Gabrielle Giffords from Office/Shoot a Fully Automatic M16 with Jesse Kelly" event in June, or Sharron Angle and her "Second Amendment remedies", or Sean Hannity, Rep. Michele Bachmann, Glenn Beck, or any of the hate-mongering herd, regardless of party affiliation.  And in a way, they're right.  As Henry Rollins has pointed out, all the vitriol-spewing in the world wouldn't make a bit of difference if people just stopped listening to the sources of it.  But since people do listen, and since it's clear that not everyone is the picture of mental health and stability, don't you think perhaps it would have been a good idea for these folks to consider that their diarrhea of the mouth might have ramifications?  You'd think that folks like Sarah Palin and Jesse Kelly would think (okay, I could stop the sentence there) that someone might take their rhetoric literally and go, well, on a shooting spree.  Or you'd at least think they'd consider how it might come back to reflect on them if their target(s) actually ended up being shot.  The sad thing is, they very well may have considered those things.  Bad publicity is still publicity, after all, and is often, sadly, just as good as good publicity.  And, to some people, sickeningly enough, being associated with the attempted assassination of a liberal is good publicity.  I'd certainly hope that being associated with the death of six people, including a child, isn't considered good publicity by anyone. If it is, I honestly don't want to know.

Which leads me to my third point.  The hate and divisiveness in the U.S. MUST stop.  We are literally killing ourselves and our children.  And for what?  Really, what does all the hate and rhetoric and vitriol accomplish?  Is anyone's agenda really more important than anyone's life?  Do we not realize we do nothing but weaken ourselves and make ourselves targets and laughingstocks to the rest of the world when we bicker like ill-tempered children in need of a nap?

To hold public office is to be in service of the people.  At least that's the theory, the actual point of the office.  All too often these days, in practice, to hold public office is to become a buffoon dancing in "service" to some rabid agenda that actually serves neither the people nor any function and doesn't even make sense.  It's just another form of sensationalist entertainment...which is highly offensive, since these people are supposed to be the stewards of a great nation.  Instead, they degrade and humiliate us.

To paraphrase both The Bible and President Abraham Lincoln, "a house divided cannot stand."  Conservative, liberal, right, left, Republican, Democrat, Tea...anyone who's "on a side", anyone who's calling names, pointing fingers, jumping up and down in righteous indignation at "them", YOU are the problem.  Are we not all Americans?  (Which is odd, really...there are three entire continents with "America" in the name; how is it that people from the U.S. are the "Americans"?)  Should we not all be pulling together to make our country great, to make the U.S. a nation of which we can be proud?  Are we truly not better than all these shenanigans and all this sensationalism, bickering, rhetoric, vitriol, hate, and downright crazy-eyed brainless ridiculousness?  Are we sheep, powerless to do anything but placidly "baaaa" when the buffoons with their nonsense speeches rant about waging war on each other?  Are we clamping our hands over our eyes and ears and filling our brains with the equivalent of junk food so we don't have to let ourselves be struck by who and what we have become as a country?  If, instead of chasing individual glory as politicians or parties, elected officials focused on serving the people, on solving problems, on working together to create solutions, if all the time, money, effort, and resources that get poured into mudslinging, backbiting, throat tearing, grandstanding, and prancing about like peacocks instead got funneled into--oh, I dunno--elected officials actually doing their jobs, can you IMAGINE what could be accomplished?  Instead of a bunch of hot air and empty promises in expensive suits, we could actually start to see results.

But here's the thing.

The shenanigans happen because we let them happen.  No, we encourage them to happen.  We buy into the sensationalism.  We get all rabid right along with the buffoons.  We watch/listen to their shows.  We listen to their speeches and read their articles.  We lap up their every secretion and beg for more.  We give them money.  We vote for them.  We wave signs and cheer at the rallies of ones we support; we wave signs and yell in protest at the rallies of ones we oppose.  We obediently play the role of pawn and puppet in their little power struggles with each other...and we love it.  Well, okay, not all of us do those things.  But enough of us do them that the buffoons continue to be successful, that the hate and divisiveness continue to be pervasive.

I'm sorry, folks, but letting our lives become a reality TV show for entertainment while real people really get hurt by it--and I don't just mean the people who get shot, or who die in terrorist attacks, or even those who die fighting in wars, but ALL of us, because we're all being hurt by it, especially our children--is NOT okay.  We seriously need to grow up, stop letting ourselves get carried away by the adrenaline rush of the rabid hate machine, think about the fact that "the enemy" are people just like us--AMERICANS just like us--who want to be happy and avoid pain, who love their kids and love their spouse and love their pet, who go to work every day, who may very well like to do the same things you like or like the same foods as you.  We're all on the same team.  It's like the Dallas Cowboys playing against themselves; it makes no sense...for one thing, if their team was divided, it wouldn't be as strong, right?  See what I'm getting at here?  We're all one team, and different folks have different outlooks for a reason, same as the quarterback and tight end have different jobs on the field.  The more different perspectives you have on a problem--IF the people with those perspectives can work together instead of against each other--the stronger and more viable of a solution they can create.

We're THE UNITED STATES, for goodness' sake.  We're the home of the Declaration of Independence and the Founding Fathers and "American ingenuity" and "American spirit" and all sorts of legendary people and traits.  And this circus is what we've come to?  Surely not. It sickens me to think that good men and women are giving their lives to fight for our freedom, and this is what we choose to do with it.  It's not right.

We can be better.  So be better.  Take responsibility.  Demand accountability.  Let's take care of ourselves; let's take care of each other; let's solve some problems.  Let's remind the world--and ourselves--who we really are.  We're the UNITED States.  Let's get to work on re-familiarizing ourselves with the "united" part of that, shall we?