Resolve This!

(LOL I entered the title and got an error: "Your request could not be processed.")

 

Apologies to my Facebook friends who've already seen some of this content. :)

 

This is the time of year when folks get all excited about having a fresh calendar and ask questions like, "What are your New Year's resolutions?"  I often get a look of either disdain or stupefaction when I reply that I stopped making New Year's resolutions decades ago.

Why?  Well, we all joke about one of the reasons why: like pretty much everyone else, I never kept them.  If I was really good, I'd make it into mid-March or so, but that was exceedingly rare.  Most resolutions made it a week or two; some didn't even last that long.  Regardless of how long I persevered, eventually I'd slip, and that was a let-down which led to a feeling of failure.  

I suppose I could have solved the issue by making resolutions like, "I resolve to eat food sometimes."  But that seems rather pointless, and I think if I was asked what my resolutions were, and if they were things like that, I'd decline to disclose them. :P

 

So these days I take a different tack: I try to work on making myself a better person every day.  By now you're probably all familiar with my belief that instead of setting aside one day a year for certain things--like setting resolutions--we should carry the spirit of our remembrances, honors, and celebrations within us every day.  In that respect, I adhere more to the Ancient Egyptian concept of Zep Tepi (a concept introduced here), in which each sunrise, each moment is Creation renewed and a new beginning. So instead of just one day a year being a designated time to make resolutions, every moment of every day is the perfect moment to make a new resolution, a fresh start, and a new beginning; each second is a moment bursting with potential and promise.

 

It's taken decades, but I've finally gotten smarter about the goals I set for myself.  I've stopped trying to go from unhewn stone to a masterfully-crafted representation of Aphrodite in one cut of the chisel.  I've finally (mostly) learned to set one small, realistic goal at a time on which to really focus.  If I try to divide my energies, discipline, and focus too much, I'll stretch myself too thin and fizzle, or--worse--rebound in the opposite direction.  For example, if I try to focus on exercising more, eating better, and organizing my living space all at the same time (that's too many goals at once, and the goals are far too vague), I'll probably either just give up out of discouragement or exhaustion and go back to my normal routine or end up laying on the couch eating bonbons, watching TV, and tossing the wrappers on the floor.  Ok, I don't eat bonbons or watch any TV that doesn't come on DVD, so that's a highly unlikely scenario...do bonbons even come in wrappers to toss on the floor? >.>  But you get the idea. :) 

 

Goals need to be realistic and specific.  Don't say, "I'm going to eat better."  Instead, say something like, "I'm going eat one more serving of vegetables a day than I've been eating."  And once you've got that down pat, pick a new goal.

As we've discussed before, it's more difficult to cut out negative things than it is to add something positive into your life.  But if you want to stop smoking, for instance, your goal is to cut something out.  Don't focus on just stopping, though; instead of simply cutting out smoking, replace it with something else.  That way, you won't be as tempted to fill the empty hole that was smoking by taking up smoking again.  What you replace it with will depend on what works for you.  You might need a different source of nicotine like "the patch" to help you quit, or you might need something else to replace the oral fixation, or it might be enough to reward yourself with something you love every time you don't smoke.  Part of knowing what will work for you will be understanding why you smoked.  Was it simply a nicotine addiction?  Was it for socialization?  Fill whatever need that smoking filled with something else, and it will be easier--note that I didn't say "easy"--to quit.

 

Put some thought into your goals.  Be realistic.  Be aware of how your mind and body work.  Plan, prepare, and be patient.  I'm not good at patient, but I've finally learned that when I try to push myself too hard and too fast, I'll end up backsliding more, and it'll end up taking far longer to get where I want to go than if I'd just taken it at a reasonable pace from the beginning.

 

I've also finally learned to recognize setbacks as learning opportunities.  Instead of something to beat myself up about, they're chances to figure out where I went wrong and how to do better next time.  They say we learn by making mistakes...I guess I've learned a lot. ;)  But there's always so much more to learn.

Be aware of your self-talk.  You can always find excuses not to.  Whatever goal you set, you have to really want it, and you have to really believe it, sometimes against your own will. :)  Sometimes you really have to psych yourself out to overcome the excuses and the "I can't" blahs, but if it's really something you want, you'll be able to do it, and you'll be glad you did.  

 

At the same time, don't be too hard on yourself.  Be able to recognize when you've come up against a true limitation, and when you do, be gentle and patient and understanding.  Sometimes the limitation will be temporary, like a sprained ankle keeping you from going out to jog.  Sometimes the limitation will be more long-term.  Don't give up.  If the road's blocked, see if there's another route to the same destination.  

If there are people in your life who are anything other than supportive of your goal, either communicate with them to improve the situation or ignore their negative feedback and find people who will support you in your goal.  Change is hard enough without other people making it more difficult.

There's more to the process of making oneself a better person day by day than focusing on diet, exercise, living space, budget, employment, and all the "usual suspects" for New Year's resolutions.  There's also the entire realm of values and character into which one can dive.  A goal could be to make a point of being thankful for something every single day, to do something nice for someone every day--even small things like holding the door open, smiling, greeting someone, or giving someone a genuine compliment--to make a point of considering situations from the other person's point of view before passing judgment, or to foster impeccable honesty.  There's also the world of service; one could volunteer regularly at a shelter, help build homes for the homeless, clean up local parks, etc.

If we view every day as a new chance to make a resolution instead of waiting for the year to change to make a huge list of goals we most likely won't accomplish, we can constantly challenge ourselves to achieve new and exciting things.  When every day is a new beginning, there's a pervasive sense of eagerness and celebration.  When every day is a new beginning, we constantly embrace life and make the most of it, climbing higher and higher each day.

So maybe instead of New Year's resolutions we should have new beginnings resolutions...because they come far more often than just once a year; they're constant, in fact.

Happy new beginnings to you!

 

 

 

 

 

The Role of Words

It has been said that words have power, that words are power.  And they can be.  But I maintain it is not the words themselves that carry the power; the true power is in the intent behind the words when they are used and the power given to the words when they are received.

Words are symbols.  Like all symbols, words are meaningless until we cooperatively agree to assign to them a meaning.  That meaning may vary from region to region, from person to person, or change with the passage of time.

Words are tools.  Tools are meant to be placed in our hands and wielded by us with intent.  Tools are not meant to make us cower in a corner, terrified and bewildered by their power.

For over a decade, I've raised the ire of a good number of my feminist friends because of my stance on words.  I have no problem with words like "chairman" or "postman" being used to denote either a male or female committee chair or postal worker.  I also have no problem with dichotomous terms like "actor" and "actress" or "waiter" and "waitress".  But it's usually the former that really raises the hackles of the feminists.

My logic on this point is twofold.  First, take a look at the words.  Human, man, woman.  Happen to notice anything in common there?  The use of the same three letters that are used in all three terms is discriminatory how, exactly?  Only by--and this leads us to my second point--intent.  If we allow terms like "chairman" to be sexist, if we give them that kind of power--which I happen to think is dangerous; there's already enough out there that has enough power that can be used against us without us weaponizing words to be used against ourselves as well--then they become sexist terms.  Otherwise, they're just words.  What's important is the intent with which they're said.

If anyone really thinks that changing language from "chairman" to "chairperson" is going to change societal attitudes toward women, then they must think that changing from a parka into a bikini will change winter to summer.  The entire approach is backwards.  The words are simply indicators of underlying attitudes.  Changing the indicators has no effect on the attitudes; if anything, bickering over what is, in my opinion, the small stuff only serves to worsen the problem.  If women want sexism to go away, then we have to stop focusing on possible symptoms like the words and start focusing on the causes of sexism, which lie on both sides of the fence.  Yes, ladies, if we want sexism to go away, we have to change some things about ourselves, too, because sexism isn't just perpetuated by the men.  But I'm getting off-topic, and that's a whoooole different can of worms for another day.

In our politically-correct culture, some of the euphemistic terms we've devised to refer to certain groups of people actually serve to segregate and dehumanize them more than plain language would.  I'm mostly thinking of the language surrounding disabilities, but the same point can apply elsewhere as well.  People worry so much about using the wrong term or not knowing the "right" term that instead of seeing the other person simply as another person, both different and similar to themselves just like every other person is, they focus on the differences and the labels.  We gingerly handle like porcelain dolls those who are different lest we offend, and yet in doing so, we mutely parade about with wild gesticulation the fact that "you are not like us!!!!!"  If your intent is to respect a person for who they are, then respect a person for who they are, don't make up a bunch of terms and language rules that only serve to accentuate the differences and exacerbate the problem of people not knowing how to integrate with the person who's different. 

Race is an arena in which we've seen some pretty extensive changes in the use of language.  The difference in race relations between 1865 and today, however, did not come about because someone decided racial slurs were bad.  Racial slurs have fallen out of favor as much as they have because--through the sacrifice, determined effort, bravery, and dedication of many people throughout many decades--race relations have changed.  And there's still more work to be done.

That brings me to the news story that sparked today's post.  For anyone who chooses to not click on the link and read for themselves, here's the gist of it: a Mark Twain scholar and English professor at Auburn University is releasing a new version of the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn which has been edited to replace all instances of the highly-offensive racial slur often referred to as "the 'n' word" with the word "slave".

I get why he's doing it.  Way back in the dark ages when I was in elementary school and that was one of my favorite books, I was incensed because of the news stories I heard about schools and libraries banning the book.  "It's a satire!" I protested. "The entire point is to show the ignorance of racism and that a person's skin color has no bearing on their worth!"  But it seems that a lot of folks don't get Twain's intention.  Or are afraid that someone else won't.

I remember once, when I was reading aloud from the book, I couldn't actually say the word in question.  I don't know that I've actually ever said that word in my life, and I have no intention of doing so; although it's used as slang with a different intention now, to me it still means what it used to mean, and I stand against everything that word meant.  So if I have any say in the matter--no pun intended--that word will never cross my lips.  But you want to know one reason why that is?  Because, when I was at the age where kids start to notice that some people are different, I read that book.  And I understood what Twain was getting at.  It made sense. 

I know full well that not everyone who reads the book will understand the intent of it.  There are plenty of adults who seem to miss the point, and I'm sure the odds of understanding aren't going to increase as the age range decreases.  However, a major part of the value of the story is the excellent teaching opportunity it gives, not just on issues of race but also on how race relations have evolved.  Obviously, I was not alive in 1885 when the book was first published to see how things were then.  I was not alive to see the efforts of Rosa Parks or Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. or to see how things were then.  I do remember how things were when I was a child, and I do see that things have changed for the better.

I understand wanting to protect one's children from ugliness.  But overprotecting a child does them more harm than good.  Sheltering them from ugliness doesn't make the ugliness go away, and they'll encounter it eventually.  Best that they be prepared.

I understand wanting to promote better race relations.  And that's exactly why this revision is a bad idea.  In order to better understand the importance of racial equality, in order to gain a sense of how the civil rights movement has developed over time, in order to understand what was/has been/is/will be at stake, in order to understand what has happened and what has been done, today's children need to see where we came from, where we've been, the road we've taken, from whence it came and to where it can lead.  Denying that the egregious racism of the past happened is an offense and an affront to everyone who suffered at the hands of that racism and to everyone who's suffered at the hands of it since.  Don't hide the ugly truth.  The ugly truth has to be revealed, has to be discussed and understood for what it is, has to teach our children the vital lessons we've learned over the past century plus.

In the words of George Santayana, which I'm sure we've all heard, but which ring true all the same, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."  The state of affairs portrayed in the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is something that should NEVER be repeated; it should have never come to pass in the first place.  Teach our children why.  Teach our children so they can keep us moving toward racial equality.

Words.  In a good number of cultures, words were considered to be magic.  And there is magic in words.  Like magic in the hands of a witch, words can be used for good or for ill, to bless or to curse.  Words can be used to empower or enslave us, to unite or divide us, to obscure or reveal the truth, to obfuscate or illuminate understanding.  It seems to me that our society's relationship with words is headed in the wrong direction.  All the while thinking we're using them to accomplish one goal, we're actually accomplishing precisely the opposite.  We're agitating sexism, accentuating differences, and perpetuating racism.  Surely we're smarter than that.  Words are tools in our hands.  Let's use them instead of them using us.  Let's use them to make our world better.  Let's use them to make ourselves better.

---

I'd like to mention that, while in this post I discuss sexism from the point of view of discrimination against women, that's solely because I'm discussing it in the context of having angered some of my feminist friends.  Sexism goes both ways.  Anyone who disputes the idea, consider the following four examples that I can quickly think of off the top of my head: 1) Men can get drafted; women can't. 2) If a girl wants to play sports or read comic books, that's totally cool.  If a boy wants to play with dolls or take ballet classes?  At least around these parts, Hank Hill best expresses the prevailing attitude, "That boy ain't right." 3) Typically, women can express a wider range of emotions in a wider range of situations and remain socially acceptable than men can.  I could be missing something, but I don't think we're to a place yet where men tearing up at a Hallmark commercial would be viewed as commonplace. 4) It's far more socially acceptable for a woman to be a stay-at-home parent or spouse than it is for a man.  Sexism is a complicated problem with complex causes, and the answers aren't nearly as simple as most of the folks I've heard speak on the subject seem to think.  A large part of the answer involves reframing the way we consider the situation.  But again, that's another topic for another day.

Back to Business; Back to Balance

The holidays--for me, anyway--are always a nice change of pace, a bit of a breather, a chance to relax, but I get so wildly off-schedule.  In one respect, it's fantastic not having to be anywhere at any specific time for most of a week and a half and sometimes more, especially since the stretch before is so darn hectic.  In another respect, being that I am an Aspie, going off-schedule really throws me off-balance.  So it's a mixed bag.  Two factors remain consistent from year to year, however: 1) the holiday period is always over too soon, and 2) I never get as much done as I hope to.

I don't really celebrate...well, much of anything. :P  To me, we should give thanks on more than just Thanksgiving; we should embrace the spirit of giving and joy more often than just around Christmas; we should strive to better ourselves and seize the eternal opportunity for new beginnings more often than just at the turn of the year; we should celebrate diversity on more than just Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. day; we should celebrate love more often than just on Valentine's, celebrate life and consider our personal integrity and the concept of sacrificing for others more often than just on Easter, consider the earth and our impact on the environment more often than just on Earth Day, thank our mothers more often than just on Mother's Day, honor those who have given their lives for our country more often than just on Memorial Day, thank our fathers more than just on Father's Day, celebrate and consider freedom more than just on Independence Day, honor our veterans and troops more often than just on Veteran's Day...and so on...or whatever those holidays mean to you or whichever holidays you celebrate.  Whatever we celebrate/remember/honor, it's my opinion we should carry the spirit of that with us all the time, not just on a single designated day or string of days.  So, to me, one day's pretty much the same as any other.  Since there's not really any sort of family gathering to speak of, holidays to me are just days off work at the most...or print on the calendar if I don't get the day off. ;) 

Once one thing in my schedule goes, it all goes.  I lose track of time easily and sometimes even become unsure what day it is since I have no solid reference.  I do some cool stuff like reorganize part of my living space and create webpages/forums but also do stuff like forget to sleep and eat for long periods of time.  I complain about having to adhere to a schedule and do things like spend most of my day at work, but that schedule provides for me a structure that helps keep my life at least somewhat organized and helps keep me from bouncing wildly from one thing to another.  So it's nice to take a break every once in a while, but as reluctant as I can be to admit it, it can also be nice to "get back into the groove." :)

I hope that--whatever holidays you may observe, if any--your holidays were wonderful and that--if it is the turn of the year for you--your new year is terrific.

Happy Happy

It's the holiday season for a variety of religions and spiritual paths...and secularly, as well.  Whatever your leanings might be, may your holiday season be full of joy.

Growth in the Silence

I know it's been a bit quiet.  In addition to the holidays, taking a much-needed vacation after eight highly intense months at work, and getting some progress put in on other projects, I've also been working on some behind-the-scenes developments for this.  I'd hoped to have it all ready to unveil before I mentioned anything, but it's going to take longer than I'd hoped, so I'll spill the beans. :)

At some point, there will be a main website from which this will be linked, and I hope to have forums hosted there, too, where folks can post and discuss a variety of topics.  I'd love to eventually see a community develop of folks who are focused on being good people, doing the right thing, and making the world a better place for their being in it.  I'd like to have relevant links and community member/guest-submitted works posted on the main site as well.  Relevant news would be posted somewhere, either in the forums or on the main site.  If the community idea really took off, there's a lot we could do with that, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. :^D

The domain and hosting's been purchased; I just have to develop the website and implement the forums, which seemed a lot easier than it's been, even though I've done both before. LOL

I'll post more about it when it's done; in the meantime, I'll direct some focus away from that and back toward posting here, since that's what it's all about...at least for now! :)

It's Not As Easy As It Seems

At least in mainstream U.S. culture, we've grown accustomed to tasks taking relatively little time and effort.  There's great focus put toward speed and convenience...which can be great.  There are some downsides, however.

One of the downsides--we'll almost certainly touch on others later--is that it's all too easy to build up the expectation that everything should be fast and easy.  And not everything is.

One thing that's decidedly neither fast nor easy is personal change, especially when that change directly opposes one's circumstances or current state. 

We tend to hear soundbites like, "Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow," which is the title of a book by Karen Casey (a book that communicates some excellent ideas, and I certainly mean nothing against the book or the author; the title just happened to perfectly convey my point), and get the impression that change is easy, that it's as simple as deciding to have a soda instead of tea.  So when change doesn't come that quickly and easily, we get frustrated and give up.

Here's the thing: some folks may make change sound easy.  Some folks may make change look easy.  But change is not easy.  It's not fast.  It's not particularly fun.  (It can be sometimes, depending on what you're changing, but usually?  Not so much.)  But things that matter often take time and effort.  It's not always about whether it's easy or fun; it's about whether it's worthwhile.  And it is.

...which is easy to say. :)  It's also easy to get frustrated with ourselves, to be hard on ourselves, to decide we can't do it.  So don't do the easy thing; do the right thing.  Be kind to yourself; be patient with yourself; be forgiving with yourself.  And don't give up.  You can do it.

If other people try to bring you down, don't let them.  Which, admittedly, is easier said than done.  It can be difficult to let it roll off your back when someone's tearing at you.  If you can, tell them that they're not helping you, that they're hurting you, that if they want to help, they'll support you.  Or take a hard line and tell them to back you up or shut up.  Or just stop having contact with them.  If you can.

If you can't do any of those things, find someone supportive you can talk to.  Find as many supportive people to surround you as you can.  Let those supportive people and your own mind drown out any negative messages that naysayers may try to throw at you.

It can also help to understand why someone's being negative and tearing you down.  Because it pretty much always has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.  If you can figure out what's motivating that person to act in that way, it can help them not have as much power over you.

Because you are the one with power here.  You are the one who gets to decide who you want to be, whether you want to change, and if so, how.  No one else gets to tell you what to decide or to talk you out of your decision once you've made it. 

Sometimes it can be really difficult to stick with it.  We just don't feel like putting in the effort.  And that's okay.  Sometimes we need a rest.  Sometimes we'll backslide, and sometimes that backslide will last far longer than a moment or three.  That's where being patient with and forgiving ourselves comes in.  It can be helpful to hang pictures, post sayings, wear jewelry, or in any other way you can, surround yourself with things that remind you of and support you in what you want to do.  If you have a daily routine, it can be helpful to incorporate your efforts at change and positive reinforcement thereof into your routine.  For instance, if you exercise in the morning, you can imagine that you're breathing in whatever positive quality you're working to build and breathing out whatever negative quality it's replacing.  Or when you shower, you can imagine that you're washing away whatever you're looking to get rid of and that you're soaking up the new and better.  When you give yourself a final look-over in the mirror before walking out the door in the morning--if you do--you can look yourself in the eyes and say something to yourself, like "I'm a compassionate person," if you're striving to be more compassionate.  There will be days when you don't feel like doing any of that, either.  And that's okay, too. 

Just do what you can as you can.  Your best is your best, and that's always good enough.  The fact that you try at all makes all the difference and means the world.  Always remember that.

"Who Are We?" Part Two

We are who we practice being.

Not just when there are other people around, but also in the moments when no one's looking--mostly in the moments when no one's looking--that's when we define who we are. 

The ramifications of this are staggering.

Every word, every action, every thought contributes to who we are.

What we watch, what we listen to, what we read, what kinds of characters we play in games...they contribute to who we are.

Am I one of those people who think that rock music and video games create mass murderers?  I cannot answer "NO" emphatically enough.  I prefer rock, and I'm a gamer.  I am not, however, a mass murderer, nor do I ever plan to be one.  I think I'm pretty darn far from being one, in fact.  Because, as we discussed in part one, we are who we choose to be; outside forces don't define us unless we let them.  And anyone who blames music or video games for the choices a person makes is shirking responsibility and missing the point...but that's a post for another day.

The choices we make--even the tiny ones that don't seem to matter--matter. 

A path that gets used over and over again becomes worn into the grass and into the dirt, and walking on it becomes easier over time than walking off the path; it's smooth and well-packed and travels well.  Our brains, being the marvels that they are, create paths in much the same way.  Have you ever learned a new task, one that had many steps or was rather complex?  You were probably slow and clumsy at first, but with repetition you became quick, efficient, confident; you could perform the task with minimal thought and effort; it became second nature.  That path had become well-established.

We develop those same paths as we create our character traits.  If we practice being pessimistic or mean on a regular basis, those are the paths we'll wear into our brains.  And once we wear a path, learning a new path can become quite the challenge.

But that's the great thing: even once a path has formed, a new path can still be learned, and the old one, the one you don't want to use anymore, can be abandoned.  With time, the grass will grow over it again, and it will be as if there was never a path there.  Again, no one said it would be fast, and no one said it would be easy.  It can take a great deal of time and effort, of trial and error, of frustration and setbacks.  But it is possible as long as you stick with it.  Brains that have sustained damage to major centers of function have taught themselves to regain lost function using other areas of the brain.  If the brain can rewire itself so dramatically, we can surely effect a positive change here and there in our character. :)

But to do so requires paying attention to those tiny choices we make in every moment of every day, in being mindful of our words, deeds, and thoughts.  Do we have to be perfect all the time?  Of course not; that's not possible.  Seeking to be perfect all the time is a surefire path to madness; we have to give ourselves permission to be flawed--not to give up trying to be better, but just not trying to be perfect.

The little choices we make in traffic matter, whether we let someone in when we see them trying to merge or turn into the lane.  (Because if we do, it's not really going to noticeably slow us down most of the time; there's usually not a whole lot of reason not to.)  The little choices we make in the store matter, whether we rush to grab the last item or rush to hop in line before someone or decide to let the person with one item go in front of us when we have a cart full.  Even the choices we make in games matter. 

I can hear you splutter at this last one, "But it's a game!  It's not real!  If I decide to burn down the town, nothing really gets destroyed! How can that possibly matter?!?"  And I completely understand.  I game; I shoot stuff and blow stuff up all the time.  I've heard the argument that games are a good place to express urges and dimensions of one's character that one can't express without causing harm in "real life."  But let's examine what we know: expressing those dimensions and urges deepens the neural paths for those dimensions and urges; in that respect, our brain doesn't know the difference between "real life" and a game; in that respect, it's ALL real life.  If those dimensions and urges aren't things we want to express in "real life", then why do we want to teach them to our brain? 

Creating a well-worn neural pathway takes a lot of repetition, time, and practice.  So there's plenty of wiggle room there.  But if you want to be a good, kind, decent person in "real life", and yet you consistently play an evil, vile, base villain in games, you're going to be sending your brain mixed messages, and you're going to have a harder time being the person you want to be when you're not playing a game.

I've had a lot of people think I'm a stick in the mud because when I play games, I almost always play the good guys.  When there are choices of right or wrong to be made, when you can be a hero or a villain; I go with doing what's right and good, even in a game.  I can still kill the zombies and slay the dragons, but I do so with the intention to protect and serve, to defend what's good and right.  Does that mean I never play the Dark Jedi and gleefully use Force Choke?  Not quite.  We've all got our moments.  :P  It just means that those moments are the exceptions, that what I choose to practice being on a regular basis is something else, even when I'm playing a game.

Because we are who we practice being.  Whether we're mindfully choosing who we are in that moment or not.  Perhaps even more so in the moments when we're not mindful of choosing who we are, because that's when we're engaging our subconscious pathways, when our mind is most open and learning at its deepest levels.  I use the example of gaming because I game.  But that's just one example; the guiding principle is the same for every moment of our lives, regardless of what we're doing at the time.  Playing tennis, letting our minds wander in the shower, ironing the clothes, closing sales at work...whatever we're doing, we're teaching our brains who to be in that moment.

Does that mean we have to censor ourselves every moment?  No.  That's too harsh, too negative, and not really the right approach.  What it does mean is that it's good to be mindful.  Whatever we're doing, it's good to have a periodic reality check, to think to ourselves, "Am I acting right now in accord with the person I want to be?"  If the answer is "yes", then great!  If the answer is "no", then ask yourself, "What do I need to do to bring my actions or thoughts in this moment back into accord with who I want to be?"  And then do it.  Not that "it" will always be a simple or easy thing to do, but if it's possible, and if it's something that matters to you, then it's worth the time and effort.

Who we are matters.  We choose who we are.  We are who we practice being, because practice makes perfect...or at least as close to perfect as we can get.

Practice being someone you like and can be proud of.