It's Not As Easy As It Seems

At least in mainstream U.S. culture, we've grown accustomed to tasks taking relatively little time and effort.  There's great focus put toward speed and convenience...which can be great.  There are some downsides, however.

One of the downsides--we'll almost certainly touch on others later--is that it's all too easy to build up the expectation that everything should be fast and easy.  And not everything is.

One thing that's decidedly neither fast nor easy is personal change, especially when that change directly opposes one's circumstances or current state. 

We tend to hear soundbites like, "Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow," which is the title of a book by Karen Casey (a book that communicates some excellent ideas, and I certainly mean nothing against the book or the author; the title just happened to perfectly convey my point), and get the impression that change is easy, that it's as simple as deciding to have a soda instead of tea.  So when change doesn't come that quickly and easily, we get frustrated and give up.

Here's the thing: some folks may make change sound easy.  Some folks may make change look easy.  But change is not easy.  It's not fast.  It's not particularly fun.  (It can be sometimes, depending on what you're changing, but usually?  Not so much.)  But things that matter often take time and effort.  It's not always about whether it's easy or fun; it's about whether it's worthwhile.  And it is.

...which is easy to say. :)  It's also easy to get frustrated with ourselves, to be hard on ourselves, to decide we can't do it.  So don't do the easy thing; do the right thing.  Be kind to yourself; be patient with yourself; be forgiving with yourself.  And don't give up.  You can do it.

If other people try to bring you down, don't let them.  Which, admittedly, is easier said than done.  It can be difficult to let it roll off your back when someone's tearing at you.  If you can, tell them that they're not helping you, that they're hurting you, that if they want to help, they'll support you.  Or take a hard line and tell them to back you up or shut up.  Or just stop having contact with them.  If you can.

If you can't do any of those things, find someone supportive you can talk to.  Find as many supportive people to surround you as you can.  Let those supportive people and your own mind drown out any negative messages that naysayers may try to throw at you.

It can also help to understand why someone's being negative and tearing you down.  Because it pretty much always has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.  If you can figure out what's motivating that person to act in that way, it can help them not have as much power over you.

Because you are the one with power here.  You are the one who gets to decide who you want to be, whether you want to change, and if so, how.  No one else gets to tell you what to decide or to talk you out of your decision once you've made it. 

Sometimes it can be really difficult to stick with it.  We just don't feel like putting in the effort.  And that's okay.  Sometimes we need a rest.  Sometimes we'll backslide, and sometimes that backslide will last far longer than a moment or three.  That's where being patient with and forgiving ourselves comes in.  It can be helpful to hang pictures, post sayings, wear jewelry, or in any other way you can, surround yourself with things that remind you of and support you in what you want to do.  If you have a daily routine, it can be helpful to incorporate your efforts at change and positive reinforcement thereof into your routine.  For instance, if you exercise in the morning, you can imagine that you're breathing in whatever positive quality you're working to build and breathing out whatever negative quality it's replacing.  Or when you shower, you can imagine that you're washing away whatever you're looking to get rid of and that you're soaking up the new and better.  When you give yourself a final look-over in the mirror before walking out the door in the morning--if you do--you can look yourself in the eyes and say something to yourself, like "I'm a compassionate person," if you're striving to be more compassionate.  There will be days when you don't feel like doing any of that, either.  And that's okay, too. 

Just do what you can as you can.  Your best is your best, and that's always good enough.  The fact that you try at all makes all the difference and means the world.  Always remember that.